All Posts by Ann Tardy

I think of Gramps fondly at this time of year because he looked like Santa Claus: thick white hair, big round protruding belly, bulbous red nose, and a hearty laugh.

I don’t pretend to know what he was like before he was sober, but I am inspired by who he became after:

• He dressed up as Santa Claus every year for the local photoshop and town parade.
• He served as a crossing guard at the grade school in his neighborhood.
• He graduated from college at age 65 with a degree in counseling.
• He sponsored others in AA.
• He pedaled his first century bike ride at age 70.
• He told jokes to anyone who would listen and laugh.

And in his wallet, he carried his Alcoholics Anonymous coin with the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Lately, I’ve noticed that I’ve been operating with a shortage of serenity. So now, reflecting on how Gramps lived and evolved, I’m rewriting my Christmas list…

All I want for Christmas is:

1. Clarity.
Clarity around the changes I want to make.

2. Intentionality.
Purposeful conversations and activities.

3. Courage.
Courage to be bold and perseverant.

4. Patience.
Patience for the evolving journey that I am on.

5. Kindness.
Kindness and understanding for the journey that others are on.

6. Pause.
Deliberate pause in the moments that I fail at patience and kindness.

7. Wisdom.
Wisdom from intentionally curating insights.

Hope you get everything on your list!
Happy Holidays!

© 2021. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com

• 59 years
• 1+ million miles
• 5+ million deliveries
• 0 accidents

Tom graciously attributes his safety record to UPS’s excellent training program and accountability. But we must also credit Tom’s common sense and his job love.

When The New York Times asked about his achievement, Tom offered the following tips for success behind the wheel. We can easily apply his wisdom for our own triumph in life.

1. Scan the big picture. Keep your eyes moving. 
We often fixate on details and miss context. Being aware of the changing landscape can allow us to make better decisions.

2. When the light turns green, count 1-2-3 before moving.
If we pause to count in any situation, we can take action deliberately, not emotionally.

3. Check the mirrors. 
We all have blind spots, and moving forward without looking for them limits our potential.

4. Let erratic drivers pass.
We can’t change people, but we can protect ourselves.

5. Keep your mind focused.
It’s dangerous to drive on the road or go through life while staring at a screen. Being present gives us the power to choose our next steps purposefully.

6. If there’s rain, snow, or sleet, slow down.
We cannot control some changes; we must adapt, adjust, and persevere accordingly.

7. Assume the other guy is daydreaming.
Other people do not perceive the world as we do and assuming they do fuels miscommunications, conflict, and altercations.

8. Use your turn signal.
When we communicate our intentions and expectations, we engender trust and strengthen relationships.

Tom doesn’t just have a safe driving record. He has job love: pride, purpose, and passion from executing his job in a way that makes a difference.

Safe driving, job love, and wisdom… three things that would benefit us all!

© 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com

In his compelling memoir, Marc referenced screenwriter William Goldman (All The President’s Men; The Princess Bride), who described Hollywood in three words: Nobody knows anything. Goldman explained that nobody can truly predict how a movie will do until after it’s released, regardless of the budget, or the caliber of the script, the director, or the actors involved.

Marc applied this same theory to describe Silicon Valley: nobody knows which concepts will succeed until one does.

When he originated the idea of renting DVDs over the internet in 1997, many people (including his wife) said, “That’ll never work.”

But their prophetic declarations were simply assumptions based on their knowledge and experiences.

At the time, Blockbuster was a $6 billion business, and internet consumption was relatively new. So, of course, it was hard to imagine using the internet to rent a movie instead of driving down the block to a video store.

And in 1999, when Netflix decided to evolve to a subscription model with no late fees, people said, “That’ll never work.” Because at the time, subscriptions were for magazines, not movie rentals, and charging late fees ensured movies were returned!

Nobody knows what will eventually happen, including mentors. Instead, people merely reference their past experiences to inform their future predictions. And then they forecast and pontificate about what will and won’t work. For example, in 1995, astronomer Clifford Stoll brazenly declared in Newsweek magazine that the internet would be a passing fad. (Good thing Marc didn’t heed Clifford’s warning!)

Growth happens in action, not speculation.

Incidentally, mentors don’t want to be your fortune teller. They signed up to be part of your journey. That’s the only way they’ll grow too.

So, invite their opinions, advice, perspectives, and ideas. But then explore those as you move, don’t adopt them while you’re standing still. Think critically. Consider context. Take a chance. Evolve as you discover, as Netflix continues to do.

At the end of the book, Marc concluded, “You’ll learn more in one hour of doing something than in a lifetime of thinking about it.”

Welcome wisdom but apply it mindfully and actively.

© 2021. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. All Rights Reserved. www.mentorlead.com

Michael Che was a standup comic in NYC when he met Colin Jost, a comedian and sketch writer for SNL.

Michael was performing a comedy set in Brooklyn when Colin casually approached him, “You ever want to write sketches?”

Michael described his response as follows, “I blew him off. I don’t know how to write sketches! I’m not going to audition and send in a packet. If they don’t like it, then I have to go through life knowing that I suck. So, I just blew him off. But Colin kept messaging me urging me to come in.”

Then Colin shared with Michael an opportunity at SNL for comedians to be guest writers for two weeks. Finally, Michael responded.

He said, “I ended up getting a sketch on TV. SNL let me finish the season, and I’ve been with them ever since.” Today Michael is co-head writer and co-anchor on SNL’s Weekend Update.

Michael was a bit self-deprecating about his imposter syndrome throughout this interview. But my favorite insight occurred when Michael reflected, “SNL is a dream job that I did not know that I could possibly do.”

He did not know that he could possibly do it. And, left to his mind chatter, he wouldn’t have.

Fortunately, he had a Spot Mentor who stopped him from missing the opportunity: Colin Jost.

Spot Mentors show up when we are about to overlook or neglect a moment.

By definition, spotters are trained to look for something. Typically found at a fitness studio or a construction site, spotters ensure someone’s safety and provide situational awareness.

Spot Mentors offer us similar protection from and awareness of our blind spots and missed opportunities. Their objective is not to prevent us from falling or failing. Rather they are determined to hinder our heedlessness. They see what we can’t or won’t. And by connecting our potential with possibilities, they practically dare us to get out of our own way.

Weightlifters and equipment operators don’t operate without a spotter. So, why would we traverse any path without seeking a Spot Mentor? And while we’re at it, serving as a Spot Mentor does wonders for the soul and society.

© 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com

I’ve observed my dogs Elwood and Flash masterfully navigate the fickleness of this holiday for years. And here’s the advice I’m confident they would offer all of us to ensure festivity and folly:

1. Greet everyone eagerly.
My dogs welcome each person as they arrive, barking excitedly, jumping enthusiastically, and wagging their tails with great anticipation. (Of course, they assume the feelings are mutual.)

2. Be incessantly curious.
Everyone is interesting and intriguing to my dogs, so everyone gets thoroughly (and regularly) sniffed.

3. Harbor no ill will.
My dogs don’t stew over unresolved arguments or upsets. Instead, they forgive and forget quickly.

4. Provoke play.
Everyone is a potential ball thrower or rope tugger to my dogs. So they constantly bring old toys to new people, encouraging them to engage immediately. And soon enough, play ensues. Success!

5. Ignore what others think.
My dogs ignore judgment and criticism. They never feel incompetent or insignificant in the presence of others. They couldn’t care less what my holiday guests think of them.

6. Never compare your life to others.
My dogs don’t waste a moment judging themselves or others. It’s unimportant and foolish because it would distract them from what’s most important: eating, playing, peeing, and sleeping.

7. Don’t try to solve every problem.
My dogs don’t fret, fear, or fix. Rather, they stay maniacally focused on their priorities (eating, playing, peeing, and sleeping).

8. Create the environment.
My dogs wouldn’t dare ruin the holiday with negativity or a contentious debate about politics or religion. Instead, their playfulness lifts spirits, and they know it.

9. Take breaks regularly.
My dogs go outside for fresh air (and to do their business). This momentary pause rejuvenates them physically and emotionally.

10. Nap without apology.
As soon as they’re feeling tired, my dogs curl up in one of their favorite beds without excuses or justifications.

___________________________________________
To all my readers, I’m grateful for our weekly connections. You inspire me with your commitment to making a difference in your roles as mentor, mentee, boss, peer, and human being.

Wishing you a happy-as-a-dog holiday!

© 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com

One day a recruiter from a competing firm called and intrigued me with a different model for practicing law and enticed me with the prospect of exciting projects.

I was conflicted. I didn’t want to leave – I loved my current firm. But I also didn’t want to miss the opportunity.

I swirled in indecision. I floundered in uncertainty. And after reluctantly interviewing, I feebly accepted an offer. I switched firms in what felt like a default instead of a conviction.

I don’t regret the decision. I regret the process. I regret going through it alone and confused. And I was quick to blame my challenge on a lack of mentoring.

But I had a terrific boss who would have gladly mentored me. And I had access to thoughtful, strategic people at work and in life who would have eagerly contributed their advice… had I asked.

But I lacked the courage to be mentored.

• courage to pause and reflect
• courage to be vulnerable
• courage to ask for help
• courage to share aspirations
• courage to make mistakes
• courage to take advice
• courage to be responsible

Recently when a friend didn’t ask for help as he embarked on a career change, I felt disappointed. I have experienced what he is experiencing; I have insights and wisdom to contribute; I have ideas and resources to share. But he didn’t engage me.

At first, I took it personally. And then I realized that he might be oblivious to or insecure about seeking guidance.

With compassion, I extended a mentoring offer, “Let me know if you might benefit from my advice, perspectives, or ideas. I’ve been through a similar experience, and I’m happy to help!”

Most people struggle to find the courage to change. Let’s ease their burden of also finding the courage to be mentored. When we anchor formal, structured mentoring programs to any career or leadership transition, mentoring becomes an integrated part of the process. Not something else to neglect or navigate.

© 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com

During the race, I also enjoyed watching the team’s swim coach on the side of the pool energetically orchestrating, instructing, guiding, and cheering. He scissored his arms wildly to encourage swimmers to kick harder. He swept his arm across his body repeatedly to urge them to swim faster. And at the halfway point, he raised his arms straight in the air and bellowed, “Half! Half! Half!”

But what he didn’t do was jump into the pool to assist them. He didn’t move a swimmer’s head, arms, or feet, and he didn’t swim for them. Instead, his job was to coach them to be better swimmers.

Also standing on the side of the pool was a lifeguard. She didn’t care if the swimmers were swimming better. She wasn’t committed to growing and developing their swimming skills. Her sole job that day was to rescue them.

As managers and mentors, we need to be more like the Swim Coach and less like the Lifeguard.

In 1968, therapist Dr. Stephen B. Karpman published an article proposing a social model now known as the Karpman Drama Triangle: when in conflict, stress, or high anxiety, people engage in a destructive interaction by adopting one of three dramatic roles. This role allows them to feel justified and entrenched in their position but doesn’t typically resolve the issue that caused the conflict.

Dramatic Roles:

• Victim: “Nothing will work. It’s useless even to try!”
• Rescuer: “Let me help you and fix it!”
• Persecutor: “I cannot believe I am surrounded by such fools and idiots!”

Managers often confess to me their Rescuer tendencies. They grapple with an overwhelming need to help, coupled with an undeniable feeling of guilt if they don’t.

But rescuing doesn’t empower change; it enables helplessness. And this often causes a Rescuer to become the Persecutor, directing their anger at a Victim.

Ironically, the dramatic interaction also keeps the Rescuing manager trapped. By focusing on a Victim’s problems, the manager avoids taking responsibility for their own.

As I watched my niece’s Swim Coach cheer, direct, guide, and advise her and her friends, there was a noticeable absence of victimizing, rescuing, and persecuting. Just a bunch of eager swimmers getting stronger.

Yes, sometimes we need to be the Lifeguard to prevent our people from drowning. But, when we act more like the Swim Coach, we ensure our people know how to swim.

© 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com

Every election, I feel like a snowflake. I am not responsible for the choices on the ballot. My vote doesn’t feel like it impacts the election. And I practically forget about the candidates until the next election.

I vote anyway. I cajole myself into the voting booth with mental reminders that voting is a privilege.

Inevitably when some candidate loses by 100,000 votes, it affirms my feelings of insignificance in the voting process.

Until last year. Three people ran for my neighborhood’s alderman seat on the City Council. I was in the voting booth, about to vote for Candidate #1, who had an excellent reputation in town, but I changed my mind. Why? Because I remembered meeting Candidate #2. I liked her, and I promised her that she had my vote.

The result? Candidate #3 won. Candidate #2 lost by a lot. And Candidate #1? The one I had intended to vote for? He lost by one vote. My vote! Yikes. No longer a snowflake, I felt like a snowplow! 

Whether it’s voting, watching the news, reading about climate issues, or working at large organizations, it’s easy to feel insignificant. And when we do, we look for absolution, quickly arguing “not my responsibility” or “not my problem” or “what difference does it make?”

But what if “feeling responsible” is not about accepting blame but about owning our power to influence? What if it’s steeped in a fervent belief that we can impact the greater good with our actions or inactions?

Think about all the seemingly insignificant actions we take regularly that ultimately influence others, sometimes significantly:

• We smile and wave
• We compliment
• We donate food and clothes
• We volunteer
• We tip generously
• We write reviews on Amazon
• We wish others a happy birthday
• We send cards
• We mentor, teach, coach, guide, advise, and cheer
• We stand up for others

Not because we have to but because we want to. Because we know our contributions will make a difference in some way.

Now, what if we leaned into our ability to affect situations for the better? What impact – big or small – could we make at work and in the world?

Snowflakes don’t believe in their power to influence. But snowmen (and snowwomen!) always do. 

© 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com