LifeMoxie Archives - Page 2 of 3 - Ann Tardy

Do You Prepare to Emote? Uber CEO Should…

When Uber CEO Travis Kalanick’s emotionally unintelligent outburst was caught on dash cam, leaders everywhere choked, “What were you thinking, Travis?” He wasn’t.

Here’s what happened…

Travis and his Uber driver were discussing the future of ride-sharing when the driver passionately expressed his upset about recent changes at Uber, ultimately blaming Travis.

Instead of asking questions or sharing his own perspective in in a way that preserved respect and forwarded the conversation, Travis hurled a personal insult at the driver, slammed the door, and ran away. Like a child.

And the driver? He rated Travis with one star.

So why do adults emote so ignorantly?

We operate oblivious to the impact of our words
We act surprised that others even have emotions!
We are ill-prepared to respond when they express those emotions, especially ones that feel like a
personal attack
And in a fight-or-flight mode, we forget everything we’ve ever read on emotional intelligence

To emote smarter, we need to prepare like a pilot.

Pilots use scenario-based training to mentally prepare for various situations. Routinely, they consider all aspects of a flight and make realistic contingency plans to deal with unexpected events… before taking off.

The rest of us? We go in unprepared and then get defensive, insult, shut down, run away, avoid, ignore, pout, berate, deride, or explode.

So how can we prepare like a pilot?

Consider all scenarios of a conversation or a situation… before going in
Make realistic contingency plans for unexpected emotions
Practice responses to unexpected emotions, especially ones that will feel personal
Apologize immediately when a contingency plan fails and our defenses get triggered

We can be emotionally smarter if we spend time preparing for the inevitable emotions of others, regardless of our titles and the presence of a dash cam!

0 Do You Speak in Bullets and Listen in Paragraphs?

People are distracted.

They multi-task.
They skim.
They defer to emoticons, texts, and pictures.
They are inundated with sound bites, ads, alerts, IMs, and scrolling news blasts.

Research shows that the human attention span has dropped to 8 seconds – even less than goldfish!

If we want to lead while managing, we need to capture attention, command respect, and cement our leadership presence. We need to speak in bullets and listen in paragraphs.

To speak in bullets:

be brief
highlight important points
skip the backstory
use metaphors to captivate, bolster comprehension, and increase retention

If and when your audience wants more information, they’ll ask for it.

To listen in paragraphs:

start with questions
ask follow-up questions to dig deeper
use your face to express interest and commitment
take notes
ignore everything and everyone else

You’ll quickly discover that most people communicate unintentionally – they speak in paragraphs and listen in bullets.

But we can help people develop these essential leadership skills, thereby increasing their efficiency, their effectiveness, and their impact.

How? Start by teaching people how to speak in bullets.

Give them a time limit: “I only have 2 minutes.”
Interrupt their meandering with, “I’m going to interrupt you.”
Then ask, “What’s the question?”
or “What is the key information I need to know?”
or “Where do you need the most help?”
Remind people: “I don’t need the back story yet.”

If we want to be seen as a leader and develop other leaders, we need to start with intentional speaking and purposeful listening. Fewer adjectives, more verbs.

When the Self-Serving Bias Does Not Serve Us

Why did you succeed? I worked really hard.

Why didn’t you succeed? The weather, the traffic, my computer, the regulations, my boss, my peers, my car, the company policies. I’ve been so busy! The dog ate my homework. The serpent beguiled me.

This is the Self-Serving Bias in action.

A behavioral influence in which we take credit for our successes, while blaming external circumstances for our shortcomings, disappointments, and failures.

Of course we do! We’re boosting our confidence while protecting our self-esteem!

There are 2 problems with blaming circumstances:

1. People absolve themselves of personal responsibility. As a result, they become a victim under their circumstances, leaving little room to become a victor over them.

2. People fail to evaluate all the information available to them (internal and external roadblocks), resulting in poor decisions.

As leaders, how do we lead people out of their own way? With the Lasso of Truth.

Wonder Woman used a truth-compelling lasso. We can employ truth-compelling questions (just imagine the twirling lasso!):

What role have you played in your success or disappointment?
If we look at only controllable factors, which ones attributed to your success or failure?
From your perspective, what specific actions/behaviors did you take or should you have taken?
What actions/behaviors can you change moving forward to change your results?

When we allow people to point fingers at external circumstances, we condone their victim status, and they stay stuck. Stuck people, stuck team, stuck leader.

But when we help people focus on controllable factors (their actions and behaviors!), we lead them out of their own way.

0 Why Just-Do-Your-Job Won Belichick the Super Bowl

People at my Super Bowl party were starting to leave. The ending was all but inevitable, as the Falcons were up 28-3 in the third quarter.

And then the game got interesting. The Patriots came back with a vengeance, winning 34-28 in the first-ever overtime in Super Bowl history.

We can glean a trite lesson like, “never give up.”

But the real lesson for us as leaders comes from the head coach of the New England Patriots, Bill Belichick whose mantra is: do your job. Since 2000, he’s used this truism to coach the Patriots through 305 games (winning 225) and 7 Super Bowls (winning 5).

There’s no greater test for us as leaders than supporting our people from the sidelines, completely unable to rescue them.

What can we possible do from the sidelines? Cheer. Motivate. Yell. Scream. Scold. Cajole. Plead. Berate. Threaten.

Or we can do what Belichick has been successfully doing for 17 years: instill discipline.

“Do. Your. Job.” is Belichick’s philosophy that reminds his team to:

worry about your own job, effort, results
know the guy next to you is doing his job
count on your peers and they’ll count on you

With this simple yet potent formula, Belichick calms his team in the midst of chaos and overwhelm. He uses it to focus them, eliminate distractions, demand readjustment, enlist improvement, and emphasize accountability.

No doubt at half-time, Belichick once again reminded his team to “just do your job.”

We lead when we coach our people from the sidelines, and we lead best when we focus them on the one thing that everyone on the team is counting on them to do… their job.

0 Does it Matter if We Achieve our Goals?

What if achieving our goals doesn’t matter?

What if the power of setting goals lies not in accomplishing them but in who we have to become to accomplish them?

When we earnestly pursue goals, we change our behavior, we improve our processes, we take on new actions. To be successful in our goals, we have to become the person it takes to be successful.

And ultimately becoming that person is as important as (if not more than) accomplishing the goal.

Think of any goal you have achieved. Who did you become to achieve that goal?

Did you become:

a morning person
organized with your time
determined and perseverant, even brazen
focused on your health, your skills, or your passion
confident and direct in your interactions with others
more courageous

Admittedly, all of these changes and improvements we make in the pursuit of a goal are possible without the goal, but the goal seduces us into action.

When I have a goal to write a book or complete a bike ride, I become militant about my time, clear about my priorities, and purposeful in my conversations. I am switched on. I ask better questions. I am more enthusiastic.

Pursuing the goal of writing a book or cycling a part of the country makes me a more efficient, effective, and engaged person.

So while accomplishing the goal is our reward for the grit, perhaps it’s not about the goal. Perhaps it’s about setting compelling goals that lure us into becoming bigger, better, bolder versions of ourselves.

0 Why I Attended the Million Women’s March

I attended the Million Women’s March in Washington DC last weekend with my mom, Cousin Lynn, and her daughter Riley.

It was inspiring, empowering, and emotional. (To be fair, it was also at times overwhelming, frustrating, and confusing.)

The issues people came to discuss were countless (many of which I had been personally incognizant). And they carried their issues on signs, buttons, hats, and shirts.

I personally didn’t have a rally cry for any one issue.

So why did I show up? The same reason a million women and men showed up around the globe. For awareness, understanding, and solidarity. And without judgment. (No one responded to anyone’s sign with disdain, “That’s a stupid issue. Get over it.” )

The issues impact the people in my community, and so for that reason alone, they matter to me.

I went to the March to better understand and show support for what others experience, endure, and fear. And, as evidenced by the lack of altercations and arrests, so did everyone else.

But we don’t need to wait for a March on Washington to build solidarity with our teams, our families, or our communities. We just need to be willing to consider and acknowledge each other’s experiences and concerns… without judgment.

The March concluded when we got to the White House. Like a mic drop after an awesome performance, we placed our signs at the fence and walked home.

It wasn’t a protest. It wasn’t a bra-burning. It was a merely an opportunity to support humanity.
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Can Motion Actually Be the Goal?

I have been editing.

Not a document…my life.

I’ve been editing my house, my office, my closets and cabinets, my clothes, my news consumption, my books, my conversations, and even my time.

I don’t know if I’m more shocked by the things I’m finding (medicine dated 2009!) or by the reality of what I tolerate. I have been operating around piles (literal and figurative) without taking action.

I didn’t start the year with a resolution or a goal about editing. I started the year with a commitment to Get Stuff Done. To do something instead of just make lists. To move.

But can motion actually be the goal?

Research shows that happier people move more. A study of over 10,000 people using wearable technology revealed that people can increase their mood just with slight physical activity – by moving!

It’s not about exercise, running a marathon, or scaling mountains. It’s about staying in motion.

And that’s how I started to edit.

Here are some other simple ways to start moving:

Take the stairs
Stand up when the phone rings
Walk around while talking on the phone (stop looking at emails!)
Sit strong and stand strong by engaging the abs
Fix or discard broken items
Donate “someday” clothes (someday I’ll wear it)
Greet people with a smile and confident handshake
Wave to people across the street
Get a dog (ok, not simple, but lots of walking and waving)

When our motion impacts our emotion, it’s time to start moving… whatever that looks like for you!

Do You Listen with Thunder or Lightning?

“That’s crazy! Why are you doing that!?” my friend challenged. Lightning!

“Wow! That’s amazing. What was that like?” my other friend appreciated. Thunder!

Thunder claps. Lightning strikes.

When we listen with thunder we clap with acknowledgement, recognition, interest, and support.
When we listen with lightning we strike from defensiveness or judgment.

Why? When we listen with lightning, we take the focus off of the other person and we make it about us. We start to wonder… What does that person’s comment mean about me? If that person is growing, does that mean I’m shrinking? If that person has great news, does mine pale in comparison? If that person makes a bold decision or holds a strong opinion, does that question my decision or opinion?

But when we listen with thunder, we engage with a steadfast focus on the other person. We are cognizant that acknowledging their success, their growth, their decision, and their opinion bears no reflection on our own.

And that takes awareness, intentionality, and courage.

If we are committed to serving the success of others, we need to listen with more thunder and less lightning.

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