Flash Archives - Page 2 of 2 - Ann Tardy | Speaker, Author, Trainer

Tag Archives for " Flash "

Don’t Boo the Band

My ten-year-old nephew, Joaquin, is dauntless.

He will try any new toy, game, sport, or instrument. He’s on the swim team, plays violin in an orchestra, loves basketball, inhales video games, and is learning archery, snowboarding, and surfing.

And he is perseverant in improving his skills in each new activity.

Recently he was eager to experience Guitar Hero, a video game in which players strum a guitar-shaped game controller and match notes that scroll on the screen in time to the music in order to score points and keep the virtual audience delighted (not disappointed).

After playing a while, Joaquin turned with tears in his eyes and said, “Every time I mess up, my band boos me.”

While he was prepared to make mistakes, he wasn’t prepared to be boo-ed as he learned the game.

None of us are! When we are in the process of learning and growing, getting boo-ed can quickly crush our oomph.

And yet people regularly boo each other, sometimes inadvertently, sometimes in jest:

  • discouraging or dissuading statements (“No. That won’t work.”)
  • judging, mocking, ridiculing, or deprecating
  • scoring anonymous surveys unreasonably low
  • submitting unkind comments or reviews online
  • leaving bad tips

 

Wait! Don’t we need to provide people with feedback to help them learn? Absolutely!

But unkind comments, unreasonably low scores, and bad tips are rarely accompanied by recommendations for improving. They merely serve to dignify the boo-er.

To serve another person’s success in learning, our responses, comments, and scores need to contribute to, not contaminate, the process.

Being a contribution to people as they learn and grow means our feedback must make them feel superior, not us.

Less boos, more woo-hoo’s.

Do You Prepare to Emote? Uber CEO Should…

When Uber CEO Travis Kalanick’s emotionally unintelligent outburst was caught on dash cam, leaders everywhere choked, “What were you thinking, Travis?” He wasn’t.

Here’s what happened…

Travis and his Uber driver were discussing the future of ride-sharing when the driver passionately expressed his upset about recent changes at Uber, ultimately blaming Travis.

Instead of asking questions or sharing his own perspective in in a way that preserved respect and forwarded the conversation, Travis hurled a personal insult at the driver, slammed the door, and ran away. Like a child.

And the driver? He rated Travis with one star.

So why do adults emote so ignorantly?

  • We operate oblivious to the impact of our words
  • We act surprised that others even have emotions!
  • We are ill-prepared to respond when they express those emotions, especially ones that feel like a
  • personal attack
  • And in a fight-or-flight mode, we forget everything we’ve ever read on emotional intelligence

 

To emote smarter, we need to prepare like a pilot.

Pilots use scenario-based training to mentally prepare for various situations. Routinely, they consider all aspects of a flight and make realistic contingency plans to deal with unexpected events… before taking off.

The rest of us? We go in unprepared and then get defensive, insult, shut down, run away, avoid, ignore, pout, berate, deride, or explode.

So how can we prepare like a pilot?

  • Consider all scenarios of a conversation or a situation… before going in
  • Make realistic contingency plans for unexpected emotions
  • Practice responses to unexpected emotions, especially ones that will feel personal
  • Apologize immediately when a contingency plan fails and our defenses get triggered

 

We can be emotionally smarter if we spend time preparing for the inevitable emotions of others, regardless of our titles and the presence of a dash cam!

It’s Hard to Distrust Up Close

In the National Geographic documentary entitled, Gender Revolution, the host Katie Couric, quoting Dr. Oz, emphasized, “It’s hard to hate up close.”

Such a powerful statement. Think of the prolific hatred online, people passing judgment over complete strangers while hiding behind a keyboard…

What does this have to do with our commitment to lead while managing? Everything.

It’s not just hard to hate up close; it’s hard to distrust up close.

As managers who lead, we are in a constant battle with distrust – it rages like wildfire. And when distrust looms, it is nearly impossible for us to make a difference with people.

So how does “up close” alter distrust?

Disconnection breeds distrust. The more disconnected people are from each other, the more they assume, speculate, and postulate. Essentially we make up stories. And unchecked, stories yield suspicion and distrust.

But when we are “up close” with people, we get to know them and they get to know us. We discover their experiences, we invalidate our stories. And from this personal connection, trust flourishes.

So our priority needs to be: get up close with our people.

  • Be curious about others
  • Ask about their experiences – personally and professionally
  • Stop relying on email and texts to connect and communicate
  • Pick up the phone
  • Use video conferencing (this is a game-changer for my team)
  • Show up in person – be with people
  • Seek their side of the story
  • Address conflict intentionally
  • Create together – plans, ideas, solutions

 

As we connect with people personally, our assumptions, fabrications, and speculations about them – and theirs about us – evaporate. And that allows trust to prosper.

We just need to get up close.

Do You Speak in Bullets and Listen in Paragraphs?

People are distracted.

  • They multi-task.
  • They skim.
  • They defer to emoticons, texts, and pictures.
  • They are inundated with sound bites, ads, alerts, IMs, and scrolling news blasts.

 

Research shows that the human attention span has dropped to 8 seconds – even less than goldfish!

If we want to lead while managing, we need to capture attention, command respect, and cement our leadership presence. We need to speak in bullets and listen in paragraphs.

To speak in bullets:

  • be brief
  • highlight important points
  • skip the backstory
  • use metaphors to captivate, bolster comprehension, and increase retention

 

If and when your audience wants more information, they’ll ask for it.

To listen in paragraphs:

  • start with questions
  • ask follow-up questions to dig deeper
  • use your face to express interest and commitment
  • take notes
  • ignore everything and everyone else

 

You’ll quickly discover that most people communicate unintentionally – they speak in paragraphs and listen in bullets.

But we can help people develop these essential leadership skills, thereby increasing their efficiency, their effectiveness, and their impact.

How? Start by teaching people how to speak in bullets.

  • Give them a time limit: “I only have 2 minutes.”
  • Interrupt their meandering with, “I’m going to interrupt you.”
  • Then ask, “What’s the question?”
  • or “What is the key information I need to know?”
  • or “Where do you need the most help?”
  • Remind people: “I don’t need the back story yet.”

 

If we want to be seen as a leader and develop other leaders, we need to start with intentional speaking and purposeful listening. Fewer adjectives, more verbs.

Why Just-Do-Your-Job Won Belichick the Super Bowl

People at my Super Bowl party were starting to leave. The ending was all but inevitable, as the Falcons were up 28-3 in the third quarter.

And then the game got interesting. The Patriots came back with a vengeance, winning 34-28 in the first-ever overtime in Super Bowl history.

We can glean a trite lesson like, “never give up.”

But the real lesson for us as leaders comes from the head coach of the New England Patriots, Bill Belichick whose mantra is: do your job. Since 2000, he’s used this truism to coach the Patriots through 305 games (winning 225) and 7 Super Bowls (winning 5).

There’s no greater test for us as leaders than supporting our people from the sidelines, completely unable to rescue them.

What can we possible do from the sidelines? Cheer. Motivate. Yell. Scream. Scold. Cajole. Plead. Berate. Threaten.

Or we can do what Belichick has been successfully doing for 17 years: instill discipline.

“Do. Your. Job.” is Belichick’s philosophy that reminds his team to:

  • worry about your own job, effort, results
  • know the guy next to you is doing his job
  • count on your peers and they’ll count on you

 

With this simple yet potent formula, Belichick calms his team in the midst of chaos and overwhelm. He uses it to focus them, eliminate distractions, demand readjustment, enlist improvement, and emphasize accountability.

No doubt at half-time, Belichick once again reminded his team to “just do your job.”

We lead when we coach our people from the sidelines, and we lead best when we focus them on the one thing that everyone on the team is counting on them to do… their job.

Can Motion Actually Be the Goal?

I have been editing.

Not a document…my life.

I’ve been editing my house, my office, my closets and cabinets, my clothes, my news consumption, my books, my conversations, and even my time.

I don’t know if I’m more shocked by the things I’m finding (medicine dated 2009!) or by the reality of what I tolerate. I have been operating around piles (literal and figurative) without taking action.

I didn’t start the year with a resolution or a goal about editing. I started the year with a commitment to Get Stuff Done. To do something instead of just make lists. To move.

But can motion actually be the goal?

Research shows that happier people move more. A study of over 10,000 people using wearable technology revealed that people can increase their mood just with slight physical activity – by moving!

It’s not about exercise, running a marathon, or scaling mountains. It’s about staying in motion.

And that’s how I started to edit.

Here are some other simple ways to start moving:

  • Take the stairs
  • Stand up when the phone rings
  • Walk around while talking on the phone (stop looking at emails!)
  • Sit strong and stand strong by engaging the abs
  • Fix or discard broken items
  • Donate “someday” clothes (someday I’ll wear it)
  • Greet people with a smile and confident handshake
  • Wave to people across the street
  • Get a dog (ok, not simple, but lots of walking and waving)

When our motion impacts our emotion, it’s time to start moving… whatever that looks like for you!

Do You Listen with Thunder or Lightning?

“That’s crazy! Why are you doing that!?” my friend challenged. Lightning!

“Wow! That’s amazing. What was that like?” my other friend appreciated. Thunder!

Thunder claps. Lightning strikes.

  • When we listen with thunder we clap with acknowledgement, recognition, interest, and support.
  • When we listen with lightning we strike from defensiveness or judgment.

 

Why? When we listen with lightning, we take the focus off of the other person and we make it about us. We start to wonder… What does that person’s comment mean about me? If that person is growing, does that mean I’m shrinking? If that person has great news, does mine pale in comparison? If that person makes a bold decision or holds a strong opinion, does that question my decision or opinion? 

But when we listen with thunder, we engage with a steadfast focus on the other person. We are cognizant that acknowledging their success, their growth, their decision, and their opinion bears no reflection on our own.

And that takes awareness, intentionality, and courage.

If we are committed to serving the success of others, we need to listen with more thunder and less lightning.

I Want to Lead Like Willy Wonka

“I was born to create the unexpected!” declared Willy Wonka.

After seeing the musical Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this week, I have a renewed fascination with the ethereal chocolatier.

As Roald Dahl’s story goes, the greatest candy maker ever awards five children the opportunity to tour his magnificent chocolate factory.

But before they enter, he warns, you have to believe to see.

Interestingly, on my way to the theater, I noticed a billboard asserting, “You have to see it to believe it.” When did cynicism become our default? We steadfastly disbelieve until provided hard evidence. We watch magic tricks searching for ancient secrets. We question people’s motives.

And when we reign with such cynicism, we encourage cynicism in those around us.

As Charlie’s story progresses, four children succumb to their greed, gluttony, addictions, and entitlement. But Mr. Wonka finds a kindred spirit in gracious Charlie who believes in the power of imagination to make a difference.

I want to lead like Willy Wonka.

  • I want to be less cynical.
  • I want to unapologetically create the unexpected.
  • I want to believe to see.

 

By leading like Willy Wonka, I can rouse the remarkable (the “Charlie”) in the people around me.

1 2