Like a garden, relationship weeds result from neglect.
Upsets, miscommunications, missed expectations, disappointments, frustrations, altercations, and conflict. All weeds that sprout in our personal and professional relationships.
When relationships are new, weeds are rare. We are too busy making a good impression, establishing trust, creating rapport, being a new boss, or being the new team member. In new relationships, we are intentionally vigilant against weeds.
However, when we get comfortable in our relationships, we tend to get lazy. We forget to update our boss; we make a decision without including our team; we fail to follow up on a commitment; we cancel meetings or show up late; we neglect to set expectations on an assignment; we tolerate emotional outbursts; we inflict snarly or rude comments.
Like gardeners, we must diligently pull weeds to foster those relationships.
Here’s your candid, no B.S., weed-pulling script:
- What’s working for you?
- What’s not working for you?
- Here’s what’s working for me…
- Here’s what’s not working for me…
Example:
- What’s working for you? I love this new project
- What’s not working for you? I’m not getting the support I need from you.
- Here’s what’s working for me… I’m excited to see your leadership shine in this new project.
- Here’s what’s not working for me…I need you to get better at delegating so other work gets done.
As you embark on pulling weeds, a few pointers:
- Start by identifying a topic, a situation, an issue, a relationship weed to address.
- Emphasize your commitment to the relationship and to the other person’s success.
- Muster your courage. It can be uncomfortable asking for such pointed feedback, but your vulnerability will invite theirs.
- Prepare for some defensiveness, especially if the neglect has eroded the trust between you. Reaffirm your commitment.
- Focus on the issue, not the person.
When a relationship matters, weed-whacking doesn’t work. You need to intentionally and unabashedly pull the weeds to strengthen the soil that allows the relationship garden to flourish.