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In 1977 in Ojai, California, the great Indian philosopher and spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti was lecturing on incessant worrying and perpetuated fears.
As the story goes, Krishnamurti paused his talk, leaned forward, and asked the audience almost surreptitiously, “Do you want to know what my secret is?” The audience waited with bated breath for his wisdom. “You see, I don’t mind what happens.” While this is undoubtedly compelling (and not dissimilar to Queen Elsa in Frozen singing, “Let it go!”), the real secret is being able to care and not mind simultaneously.
We only mind what happens (and cannot “let it go”) when our expectations are missed. Missed expectations remind us that we are not in control; we are, in fact, vulnerable. This inability to control the uncontrollable ignites our frustrations and reactions, often sparking outbursts and altercations. In a world where we are desperate for control, missed expectations threaten our success. But we can only control two things in life: our actions and our responses. Fortunately, that includes our perseverance, resilience, tenacity, commitment, and grit! When we care but don’t mind what happens, missed expectations can inform our future actions instead of dictating our present reactions. A few years ago, my cycling buddy Roger and I decided to bike from Crater Lake National Park to Yosemite National Park. It was a carefully planned trip, but many events missed our expectations: our train to Crater Lake was delayed by three hours; we had flat tires; the sprocket on my bike broke, causing a detour to a bike shop; I wasn’t feeling well one day; Roger wasn’t feeling well another day; and on the road up to Yosemite, the mighty winds knocked Roger entirely off his bike. Did we care about any of this? Absolutely. Did we mind? Sometimes. But when we didn’t, we improvised, persevered, and pedaled. We still remember the experience as one of our favorite cycling adventures. When we mind, we are at the mercy of an outcome. © 2022. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved. |