All Posts by Ann Tardy

0 Why Cousin Lynn Crosses a Finish Line Every Month

In January, my Cousin Lynn created a goal to compete in a race every month for the entire year.

When resolutions were inescapable, this sounded aspirational. But as the months roll by, her resolve is noteworthy.

More than half of goal-chasers fail, quick to blame circumstances or their lack of motivation or willpower. But goal-catchers are successful because of their commitment, not because of their circumstances, motivation, or willpower.

Here’s how Cousin Lynn stays committed month after month:

1. Public Declaration. Announcing her goal to friends and family creates the social and internal pressure to stick to it. (Psychologists call this the Rule of Commitment.)

2. Construct Smaller Goals. The race-a-month format conveniently frames her smaller goals.

3. Celebrate Progress and Small Wins. Every month she sends me her crossing-the-finish-line picture, and I cheer.

4. Constantly Eliminate Barriers. When the winter offered no races, she flew to a warmer city to compete.

5. Be Intentional. Every month she researches and identifies the race for the next month.

6. Persevere. The summer was overloaded with family obligations, so she found ways to train around them. (When I was in town, she had us visiting on bicycles!)

7. Be Resilient. When August’s mud-run was cancelled, she quickly signed up for a 5K. Cousin Lynn didn’t just make a New Year’s resolution. She made a commitment (a promise to herself!) that has her consistently taking actions instead of making excuses.

Whether the goal is personal or professional, being committed differentiates the goal-chasers from the goal-catchers.

0 Why Olympian Gabby Douglas Chooses Slow-to-Speak

Gold-medal gymnast Gabby Douglas has a new motto: “slow to speak”

Having learned the hard way amid controversies in the 2012 and 2016 Olympics, she is now committed to listening before reacting.

Gabby gets it! Whether we’re leading our team, our children, or Olympic spectators, people are constantly judging us by our reactions and our responses.

Reacting is understandable – we are stressed by pressure, upset by missed expectations, or incensed by injustice. Out of anger or frustration, we easily become fast-to-speak.

But reacting reveals our surly side. Fast-to-speak betrays our commitment to be intentional, empowering, empathetic leaders. And that betrayal erodes people’s loyalty to and trust in us. Not surprisingly, people perceive reactive leaders as less effective.

Alternatively, slow-to-speak affords us the opportunity to be mindful, suspend our judgments, and increase our compassion.

Research shows that people trust their leaders more when they witness their compassion and kindness, and less when they don’t.

And when people trust their leaders, performance improves.

We could win a gold medal in the category of leading if we simply choose more often slow-to-speak.

0 Why Cincinnati Reds Joey Votto Apologized to a Fan

Joey Votto, Cincinnati Reds first baseman, was chasing a foul ball heading toward the stands, hoping to catch an out in the seventh inning. Also positioning himself to catch that foul ball was a Reds-jersey-wearing fan sitting in the first row named Randy. When Votto missed the ball, he grabbed Randy’s jersey and seethed, “You’re a Reds fan, don’t get in my way!”

Randy apologized. Demonstrating respect and empathy, Randy’s apology immediately disarmed Votto’s anger. And suddenly Votto apologized too. After the game, the two talked, took pictures, and Votto gave him an autographed baseball that read: “Thanks for being so understanding.”

Remorseful, Votto acknowledged to reporters after the game that he had “bullied” Randy, who deserved to be treated with more respect.

What sparked Votto’s epiphany? Randy’s apology!

Research shows that apologies have the power to instantly heal. Receiving a sincere apology decreases a person’s blood pressure, slows their heart rate, and allows them to think clearly.

Having the courage to take responsibility is extremely powerful. As Randy and Votto discovered, it:

• disarms people
• prevents further misunderstanding
• increases empathy
• strengthens relationships
• fuels self-respect and self-esteem

Authentic and intentional apologies make us strong leaders and decent human beings.

0 Why St. Paul’s Cathedral Banned Photos

No Photos Allowed! read signs throughout St. Paul’s Cathedral in London.

Curious, I asked why. A curator explained: “The tour guides got frustrated because people were too busy taking pictures and not paying attention.”

Essentially, they were tired of competing with smartphones!

The draconian restriction worked. The church was scattered with enrapt tourists intently listening to the guides.

Named the iPhone Effect, psychologists have discovered that the mere presence of a smartphone (even if not being used) inhibits conversation.

Why? Because the smartphone divides our attention between the proximate and the possible. The person in front of us and the world of people potentially calling, texting, tweeting, and posting.

When our smartphone is on the table or in our hands, the other person knows they are competing for our attention, and this distract-ability diminishes the quality of our interaction.

• The conversation remains shallow, careening instead of flowing.
• Consequently, people restrict their responses.
• And this decreases our empathy.

Ironically, being constantly connected is interfering with our connections.

Because leading intentionally depends on these connections, our rapt attention and empathy are essential. And so our challenge: to deliberately disconnect.

Maybe we need to post our own sign occasionally: No Smartphones Allowed.

0 Read Fiction. Lead Better.

I just returned from a family vacation, and, I confess, I read a fiction book.

Typically I justify time away from work by poring over leadership tomes. So I inhaled this book like a sinful treat.

And then I discovered that my guilty pleasure actually helps me lead better.

According to recent research, even short bouts of reading fiction…

• improves our understanding of other human beings
• helps us see the world from others’ points of view
• reminds us that people hold varying perspectives and beliefs

The act of reading fiction allows us to engage in what researchers call “experience thinking” – our emotional connection to the characters causes us to explain and empathize with their behaviors, even if we don’t agree with them.

How does this help us in the non-fiction world? By increasing our social cognition and strengthening our emotional perception, we become better at collaborating, empathizing, and connecting with others.

Essentially reading a fiction book is training for our human interactions, no different than lifting weights is training for our muscles. Just by reading fiction, we can transform our impact as leaders and as human beings (and enjoy our downtime more).

To see pictures of my recent adventures in London, Brussels, and Bruges, visit our Instagram page at: https://www.instagram.com/lifemoxie/

0 I Want to Lead Like Willy Wonka

“I was born to create the unexpected!” declared Willy Wonka.

After seeing the musical Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this week, I have a renewed fascination with the ethereal chocolatier.

As Roald Dahl’s story goes, the greatest candy maker ever awards five children the opportunity to tour his magnificent chocolate factory.

But before they enter, he warns, you have to believe to see.

Interestingly, on my way to the theater, I noticed a billboard asserting, “You have to see it to believe it.” When did cynicism become our default? We steadfastly disbelieve until provided hard evidence. We watch magic tricks searching for ancient secrets. We question people’s motives.

And when we reign with such cynicism, we encourage cynicism in those around us.

As Charlie’s story progresses, four children succumb to their greed, gluttony, addictions, and entitlement. But Mr. Wonka finds a kindred spirit in gracious Charlie who believes in the power of imagination to make a difference.

I want to lead like Willy Wonka.

• I want to be less cynical.
• I want to unapologetically create the unexpected.
• I want to believe to see.

By leading like Willy Wonka, I can rouse the remarkable (the “Charlie”) in the people around me.