Ann Tardy, Author at Ann Tardy | Speaker, Author, Trainer - Page 30 of 37

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Reinventing Rock, Paper, Scissors

Leave it to 7-year-olds to reinvent a game that’s been around since the Chinese Han Dynasty (206 BC – 220 AD): Rock Paper Scissors.

I was at a youth soccer practice when the coach initiated a game of Rock Paper Scissors to see who was going to be up next to practice kicking the ball to the goalie.

Suddenly, the boys were shouting, “Dynamite beats rock!” “Sword beats dynamite!” “Handgun beats sword” and “Lava beats handgun!”

Dynamite? Sword? Handgun? Lava? This isn’t the game I grew up playing! What happened to the rock, the paper, and the scissors?

I asked the boys, who quickly informed me that the game had been expanded. They delighted in teaching me about the weapons available.

I was being mentored by 7-year-olds.

And more than just introduce me to the reinvented game, they reminded me:

  • to be more innovative with simple, everyday tasks, routines, and processes
  • to be open to the adventure of change
  • to experiment with fresh ideas and new games
  • to play outside the 3-weapon box
  • to pay attention to the new kids on the block

 

It never occurred to us that we could change the game… but it occurred to them.

It struck me: what other viewpoints, new approaches, or original concepts am I overlooking?

The older we get, the more wisdom we gather. But the more we gather, the more we get entrenched in referencing our own wisdom and ignoring the wisdom of others.

With fresh perspectives come fresh solutions to old, tired problems. We just need to remember to extend the invitation and give people permission to think differently and share their distinct experiences.

Pay attention to young people and young employees – they never need permission to think differently. And as they twist our kaleidoscope, get ready for our wisdom and our world to expand!

Are You Shouting a Battle Cry Like My Hertz Driver?

A battle cry is what we shout as we run onto the proverbial battle field in pursuit of victory!

  • William Wallace in the movie Braveheart: They may take our land but they’ll never take our freedom!
  • JFK: We shall pay any price to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
  • Starbucks: We are inspiring and nurturing the human spirit one person, one cup, one neighborhood at a time.
  • US Marines Corps: Semper Fidelis (Always Faithful or Always Loyal)
  • Crawford, my Hertz Rental car driver at Orlando airport: I save marriages.

 

Wait! What? Crawford explained, “Dragging all of that luggage and children can test any relationship, especially in the rain. I am in charge of personally driving families who need help getting to the terminal after dropping off their cars. On the way, I talk to them, calm them down, and alleviate their frustrations. I’ve saved numerous marriages.”

We ask ourselves every day to come to work, to be all in, to give a piece of our lives to an organization. We need to show up because we believe …with our heart and soul.

But people don’t believe in to-do-lists, monthly goals, or quarterly quotas. We merely tolerate those. We believe in a purpose – the why behind our work – the reason for the lists, goals, and quotas.

Without a battle cry, setting goals and generating lists become rote exercises. But a battle cry guides our actions and reinforces the fight.

And it’s not about the money. Money becomes the focus when people lack purpose and passion.

To identify your own battle cry, ask yourself:

  • what do you love about your job?
  • what difference does your work make to others (on your team, in your organization, with your customers, in the community)?

 

As Crawford dropped me at the terminal, he reflected, “I love my job. I love Hertz.”

That’s the power of the battle cry!

Confront Don’t Cower, Incite Don’t Ignore

Just when we thought bullying was the most injurious, research reveals that ignoring is actually worse.

This reality can be explained by our basic human needs:

  • to be recognized and accepted
  • to interact, connect, and belong
  • to matter

 

When we fight, at least we are interacting and connecting – the altercation evidence that the people in it actually exist.

But when we ignore someone, we reject, banish, and ostracize, confirming their fear of irrelevance.

As a result, ignoring easily leads to feelings of humiliation, helplessness, insecurity, and a motivation to quit.

…even when our actions are not about them, but merely a reflection of our own lack of courage or inability to confront.

Ignoring (intentionally or unintentionally) can take many forms:

  • not responding to texts, emails, or calls
  • not inviting or including someone
  • not hearing (or pretending not to hear) a question/comment
  • silent treatment

 

As with all experiences, ostracism is the in the eye of the sufferer, not the culprit. Our own perception or projected response becomes insignificant.

So, short of coddling everyone on our team, what should we do? Help people matter.

  • respond and recognize
  • include and interact
  • argue and altercate
  • confront and clarify
  • dig in and empathize
  • and communicate when we can’t

 

It takes arrogance or cowardice to ignore someone. But it takes courage to respect their contribution, even if we dislike it, them, or the situation.

Ultimately, we are better leaders when we confront instead of cower, and include (even incite!) instead of ignore.

Do You Exude Courage like Gamecocks Coach Frank Martin?

South Carolina Gamecocks beat the Duke Blue Devils in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament in a major upset this week.

But it was the Gamecocks Coach Frank Martin’s display of unabashed passion and courage that was most remarkable.

Outside the stadium before the game in Greenville, SC, protestors positioned a large Confederate flag, ensuring everyone would see it waving in the wind as they entered.

In the post-game press conference, Coach Martin intentionally commented where others might cower.

He could have ignored the controversy. He could have just basked in the glory that his team was headed to the Sweet 16 for the first time ever.

But Coach Martin believed strongly that:

  • not saying something would be saying something
  • not saying something would be condoning the flag’s negative message
  • not saying something would be a missed opportunity

 

Here are some highlights from his speech:

  • “It’s [the protesting Confederate flag] unfortunate, but it’s America. We have freedoms. People have freedoms to do whatever they want to do with themselves and their property.”
  • “There are things out there that I don’t like. But I can’t force people to do what I want them to do.”
  • “All I know is this unbelievable university and state has taken in a son of Cuban immigrants that’s married to a Jamaican woman, has mixed kids, and they’ve treated me like I’m one of their own from Day 1.”
  • “I wouldn’t want to coach in any other state or with any other group of people or for any other bosses than the ones I’ve got.”

 

We may not get a press conference for our achievements like Coach Martin, but every day we have the opportunity to exude passion for our work, genuinely appreciate our bosses and our peers, stand up for what we believe in, and model courage for the people on our teams.

Don’t Boo the Band

My ten-year-old nephew, Joaquin, is dauntless.

He will try any new toy, game, sport, or instrument. He’s on the swim team, plays violin in an orchestra, loves basketball, inhales video games, and is learning archery, snowboarding, and surfing.

And he is perseverant in improving his skills in each new activity.

Recently he was eager to experience Guitar Hero, a video game in which players strum a guitar-shaped game controller and match notes that scroll on the screen in time to the music in order to score points and keep the virtual audience delighted (not disappointed).

After playing a while, Joaquin turned with tears in his eyes and said, “Every time I mess up, my band boos me.”

While he was prepared to make mistakes, he wasn’t prepared to be boo-ed as he learned the game.

None of us are! When we are in the process of learning and growing, getting boo-ed can quickly crush our oomph.

And yet people regularly boo each other, sometimes inadvertently, sometimes in jest:

  • discouraging or dissuading statements (“No. That won’t work.”)
  • judging, mocking, ridiculing, or deprecating
  • scoring anonymous surveys unreasonably low
  • submitting unkind comments or reviews online
  • leaving bad tips

 

Wait! Don’t we need to provide people with feedback to help them learn? Absolutely!

But unkind comments, unreasonably low scores, and bad tips are rarely accompanied by recommendations for improving. They merely serve to dignify the boo-er.

To serve another person’s success in learning, our responses, comments, and scores need to contribute to, not contaminate, the process.

Being a contribution to people as they learn and grow means our feedback must make them feel superior, not us.

Less boos, more woo-hoo’s.

Do You Prepare to Emote? Uber CEO Should…

When Uber CEO Travis Kalanick’s emotionally unintelligent outburst was caught on dash cam, leaders everywhere choked, “What were you thinking, Travis?” He wasn’t.

Here’s what happened…

Travis and his Uber driver were discussing the future of ride-sharing when the driver passionately expressed his upset about recent changes at Uber, ultimately blaming Travis.

Instead of asking questions or sharing his own perspective in in a way that preserved respect and forwarded the conversation, Travis hurled a personal insult at the driver, slammed the door, and ran away. Like a child.

And the driver? He rated Travis with one star.

So why do adults emote so ignorantly?

  • We operate oblivious to the impact of our words
  • We act surprised that others even have emotions!
  • We are ill-prepared to respond when they express those emotions, especially ones that feel like a
  • personal attack
  • And in a fight-or-flight mode, we forget everything we’ve ever read on emotional intelligence

 

To emote smarter, we need to prepare like a pilot.

Pilots use scenario-based training to mentally prepare for various situations. Routinely, they consider all aspects of a flight and make realistic contingency plans to deal with unexpected events… before taking off.

The rest of us? We go in unprepared and then get defensive, insult, shut down, run away, avoid, ignore, pout, berate, deride, or explode.

So how can we prepare like a pilot?

  • Consider all scenarios of a conversation or a situation… before going in
  • Make realistic contingency plans for unexpected emotions
  • Practice responses to unexpected emotions, especially ones that will feel personal
  • Apologize immediately when a contingency plan fails and our defenses get triggered

 

We can be emotionally smarter if we spend time preparing for the inevitable emotions of others, regardless of our titles and the presence of a dash cam!

It’s Hard to Distrust Up Close

In the National Geographic documentary entitled, Gender Revolution, the host Katie Couric, quoting Dr. Oz, emphasized, “It’s hard to hate up close.”

Such a powerful statement. Think of the prolific hatred online, people passing judgment over complete strangers while hiding behind a keyboard…

What does this have to do with our commitment to lead while managing? Everything.

It’s not just hard to hate up close; it’s hard to distrust up close.

As managers who lead, we are in a constant battle with distrust – it rages like wildfire. And when distrust looms, it is nearly impossible for us to make a difference with people.

So how does “up close” alter distrust?

Disconnection breeds distrust. The more disconnected people are from each other, the more they assume, speculate, and postulate. Essentially we make up stories. And unchecked, stories yield suspicion and distrust.

But when we are “up close” with people, we get to know them and they get to know us. We discover their experiences, we invalidate our stories. And from this personal connection, trust flourishes.

So our priority needs to be: get up close with our people.

  • Be curious about others
  • Ask about their experiences – personally and professionally
  • Stop relying on email and texts to connect and communicate
  • Pick up the phone
  • Use video conferencing (this is a game-changer for my team)
  • Show up in person – be with people
  • Seek their side of the story
  • Address conflict intentionally
  • Create together – plans, ideas, solutions

 

As we connect with people personally, our assumptions, fabrications, and speculations about them – and theirs about us – evaporate. And that allows trust to prosper.

We just need to get up close.

Do You Speak in Bullets and Listen in Paragraphs?

People are distracted.

  • They multi-task.
  • They skim.
  • They defer to emoticons, texts, and pictures.
  • They are inundated with sound bites, ads, alerts, IMs, and scrolling news blasts.

 

Research shows that the human attention span has dropped to 8 seconds – even less than goldfish!

If we want to lead while managing, we need to capture attention, command respect, and cement our leadership presence. We need to speak in bullets and listen in paragraphs.

To speak in bullets:

  • be brief
  • highlight important points
  • skip the backstory
  • use metaphors to captivate, bolster comprehension, and increase retention

 

If and when your audience wants more information, they’ll ask for it.

To listen in paragraphs:

  • start with questions
  • ask follow-up questions to dig deeper
  • use your face to express interest and commitment
  • take notes
  • ignore everything and everyone else

 

You’ll quickly discover that most people communicate unintentionally – they speak in paragraphs and listen in bullets.

But we can help people develop these essential leadership skills, thereby increasing their efficiency, their effectiveness, and their impact.

How? Start by teaching people how to speak in bullets.

  • Give them a time limit: “I only have 2 minutes.”
  • Interrupt their meandering with, “I’m going to interrupt you.”
  • Then ask, “What’s the question?”
  • or “What is the key information I need to know?”
  • or “Where do you need the most help?”
  • Remind people: “I don’t need the back story yet.”

 

If we want to be seen as a leader and develop other leaders, we need to start with intentional speaking and purposeful listening. Fewer adjectives, more verbs.

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