Ann Tardy, Author at Ann Tardy | Speaker, Author, Trainer - Page 25 of 37

All Posts by Ann Tardy

Don’t Kill the Laugh Track (Humor Turns Strangers into Supporters)

The Manager glumly reported to me, “I received feedback from my peers that I use humor too much. So my goal is to eliminate humor.”

Whoa! We need humor and here’s why…

Strangers scare us. The stress of being among strangers actually has a name: “social stress barrier to empathy.”

Without a relationship, even our peers are considered strangers.

Being among strangers feels dangerous because we fear being judged or criticized. This anxiety blocks our ability to empathize. And without empathy, it’s impossible to garner trust – the linchpin of all great relationships! So we are left with strangers when we really need supporters.

Role of laughter:
Research shows that laughter and play actually blocks the social stress anxiety, and this allows us to connect, bond, empathize, and trust.

How? Laughter releases endorphins – the feel-good chemicals in our brain. Endorphins signal that it’s safe to connect with others and deepen the relationship.

Not surprisingly laughter is one of the most contagious of our emotions.

Even a simple shared moment of humor can release tension and decrease anxiety.

So how can we generate laughter and play?

  • Create fun experiences (team-building off-sites, on-sites, lunches, parties)
  • Incorporate games into meetings
  • Point out the humor in situations (like standing in a long line for coffee!)
  • Self-deprecate with sarcasm
  • Share embarrassing moments
  • Exchange funny cartoons and YouTube videos
  • Tell funny (and appropriate!) jokes

 

(Of course ill-timed, inappropriate, and cruel humor communicates a lack of understanding, empathy, and kindness. But that’s about being emotionally intelligent and mindful of situations, not about killing the laugh track.)

When we want to convert strangers into supporters, we can deploy humor to easily connect with others.

Everyone Carries a Backstory…We Just Need to Be Interested In It

I walked into a workshop this week to find 6 people in the room:

  • A large Italian man who looked like a body-builder
  • A shy, tattooed man with a soft voice and wide eyes
  • A calm, completely bald man wearing a Hawaiian shirt
  • An outspoken, older Asian-American woman with long, gray hair
  • A tall blond woman with a girlish voice and dramatic bangs
  • A young, stylish African-American man sporting a flat-rimmed cap backwards

When the workshop started, the facilitator asked us to stand up and share, not what we do for a living, but a story about what led us to do what we do.

Here’s what I discovered:

  • The large man is a chiropractor who takes steroids for an incurable disease.
  • The tattooed man is an ex-convict who saved his soul through his health and is now a physical trainer for executives.
  • The bald man grew up in a Buddhist monastery and is now a sought-after business coach.
  • The Asian-American woman turned to nature to find sobriety and now runs a non-profit focused on the environment.
  • The blond grew up mute and dyslexic and is now a PhD in learning behaviors.
  • The African-American man grew up in the projects and is now a financially independent entrepreneur. (And he is engaged to the blond – they met on Tinder.)

Had we introduced ourselves with only our job titles, we would have been left with the assumptions we made about each other and the stories we have about those titles… never allowing us to connect deeply. We would have heard: I’m a chiropractor. I’m a personal trainer. I’m a coach. I’m a non-profit director. I’m a doctorate. I’m a businessman.

Instead, we experienced an unexpected Breakfast Club moment.

What we look like is not who we are. What we do is not who we are. Our journey is who we are. Titles shortchange us of discovering the journey – the why behind the title. Without the journey, we are left with our stories and assumptions. And as a result, our connections remain shallow and lack trust.

So let’s not stop at, “What do you do?”

Let’s dig deeper and ask, “What led you to that role?” “What was your journey?” or “What’s your story?” 

 

Would You Believe in Victory with 10 Seconds Left? (Minnesota Vikings Did!)

Would You Believe in Victory with 10 Seconds Left? (Minnesota Vikings Did!)At halftime the Minnesota Vikings were up 17-0 and feeling confident they would win the NFC Championship game against the New Orleans Saints.

But the Saints came back with a vengeance, scoring throughout the second half. With less than a minute to go, the Saints scored a field goal that seemed to secure their win.

There was no way the Vikings were coming back. They were 71 yards away from the end zone with 10 seconds left on the clock. Vikings fans were already mourning. Even the Saints started celebrating their inevitable victory.

But the Vikings never gave up.

They played those last 10 seconds with perseverance and determination.   They made every second count.

The quarterback Case Keenum threw the football to wide receiver Stefon Diggs who jumped to catch it, averted being tackled, caught himself when he lost his balance, and sprinted 61 yards for the game-winning touchdown!

It was incredible! But it wasn’t a miracle. It was possibility and intentionality (and talent!) in action.

How can we help our teams believe in possibility and act with intention to the very last second?

  • Focus Don’t Flounder: The players ruthlessly battled together toward the same goal.
  • Coach Don’t Rescue: The Vikings coach did not come running onto the field to grab the football and save the game.
  • Praise Don’t Persecute: It was easy (and habitual) for the rest of us to judge and criticize from the sidelines.
  • Strategize Don’t Victimize: Nobody can play the victim and rouse the remarkable simultaneously.
  • Cheer Don’t Berate: Yelling and screaming doesn’t work to inspire dogs, babies, or team members.

 

When you’re racing the clock on a deadline, a project, or a race… use your words and actions to strengthen people’s belief in themselves and commitment to victory.

To Stop Good Behavior, Ignore It

Police officers are charged with catching people doing something wrong. Ward Clapham, a retired veteran of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, described it as “always looking for the dark side.”

In 2002 Ward decided to shift the obedience-by-fear paradigm. He started catching kids doing something right, polite, safe, or kind.

He issued Positive Tickets to kids he saw crossing the road safely, picking up litter, wearing a bike helmet, or doing their homework. And to add significance, he allowed kids to exchange their tickets for pizza, gift certificates, or movie passes. To his surprise, some kids held on to their tickets to display at home, like a trophy for being a good person.

But it’s not about the tickets! It’s about the relationship he built with young people in his community. By recognizing their good behavior and acknowledging their worth, he gained their trust.

People at work also crave “Positive Tickets.” According to research, more than 50% of employees say they would look for another job if their manager did not appreciate or acknowledge their work.

As leaders, we should be issuing Positive Tickets every day! People who feel recognized have higher self-esteem which leads to greater contributions. We all work harder when we feel good about ourselves. Positive Tickets can be as simple as a thank you email or card. Remember,

it’s not about the ticket; it’s about the relationship and the trust that recognition engenders – essential for our success in leading! Apparently, puppies crave Positive Tickets too.

The motto posted in the puppy training room at my pet store is: “If you want to stop good behavior, ignore it.”

Is Success on the Other Side of Fear?

 

By January 31, 33% of people abandon their New Year’s resolutions. And by June, 77% of people forget they ever had resolutions. Which might explain why only 40% of people even set resolutions each year.

Some experts argue that failure is inevitable because our resolutions/goals are too lofty, too foggy, too easy, or too hard. Other research suggests that we are too busy to stay committed, we suffer from decision fatigue, we don’t plan our goals, and we don’t have anyone to support us.

What if the only thing standing in our way is fear? “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” (George Adair) But what are we afraid of?

  • Failing (being part of the 77% of resolution quitters!)
  • Succeeding (and then having to sustain success all year)
  • Judgment and Criticism (by those not changing or improving)
  • Disappointment (what if the change is not as great as anticipated?)
  • Comparison (what if our resolution/goal is not as ambitious as other people’s?)
  • Hard Work (don’t we already work hard enough?)
  • Being Uncomfortable (there’s a reason for remote controls and drive-thrus)
  • Change (we’ve finally figured things out so why endure change?)
  • Lack of Aspiration (what if we don’t even know what we want?)

 

If we acknowledged our fears first, we could walk to the other side of them and then employ all the sage, habit-changing, goal-achieving advice and strategies:

  • Write goals down
  • Put them in the positive
  • Share them with others
  • Get a mentor for support
  • Anchor a new habit to another habit
  • Execute a goal in chunks
  • Work on them early each day

 

We don’t need another holiday ritual to make us feel inadequate. We just need to face our fears before they sabotage our success.

The Best of Flash! in 2017 (Your 6 Favorite Articles)

The end of the year is the perfect time to reflect upon and celebrate what we’ve each created, discovered, initiated, and achieved over the past 12 months.

As I reflect upon the Flash! articles I created for you in 2017, I am celebrating your favorite ones by resending them…

Are You a Storyteller or a Storycatcher? (Ask Your Uber Driver)
https://www.anntardy.com/are-you-a-storyteller-or-a-storycatcher-ask-your-uber-driver/

When Are We Too Old to Be Remarkable? (Ask Grandma Moses)
https://www.anntardy.com/when-are-we-too-old-to-be-remarkable-ask-grandma-moses/

Zoom Out! (Advice for the Screen-Obsessed)
https://www.anntardy.com/zoom-out-advice-for-the-screen-obsessed/

Are You Shouting a Battle Cry Like my Hertz Driver?
https://www.anntardy.com/are-you-shouting-a-battle-cry-like-my-hertz-driver/

Don’t Boo the Band
https://www.anntardy.com/dont-boo-the-band/

Would You Cycle Vermont with Prosthetic Legs?
https://www.anntardy.com/would-you-cycle-vermont-with-prosthetic-legs/

Thank you for reading, responding, and engaging with me throughout the year! I look forward to continuing our quest together to become bigger, better, bolder versions of ourselves!

Wishing you a happy New Year and a smashingly successful 2018!

Is It Time for a New Normal? (& announcing our Annual Gift)

When normal feels too normal, it might be time for a new normal.

As I wrote holiday cards to my family, friends, and colleagues, I was struck by how many people in my life have courageously created (or endured) a “new normal” this year.

Some announced new roles or retirements, others changed jobs or addresses, some had children, others sent children off to college, some decided to get married, while others decided to get unmarried.

It takes courage to make change happen. And its courage that fuels our resilience after change happens to us.

The reality is that we cannot be stuck and in action at the same time. A new normal forces us to get unstuck.

I’ve moved to the West coast and then to the East. I’ve changed jobs. I’ve changed careers. I’ve lost a parent. I got married. I embraced step-kids. I bought a house. I got a dog. And this year, I adopted another dog. Each experience forced me to get uncomfortable, alter the cadence of my life, move forward without knowing exactly how it would turn out. Soon, each experience became my new normal.

LifeMoxie Annual Gift
This year we have made generous donations to the ASCPA and Amazing Mutts Puppy Rescue – two wonderful organizations that rescued and rehomed hundreds of animals abandoned during this year’s hurricanes. One of those animals found his way into our home and my heart.

To read a copy of our holiday letter and learn more about these organizations (and see a picture of my new normal), go to: https://www.lifemoxie.com/articles/flash-mentoring/

As always, we applaud you for taking on new normals this year with grit and guts! Just imagine what you will create next year…

Stop Saying I’m So Busy! (and Reclaim Your Sanity)

We are constantly deluged with an unmanageable amount of information screaming for our attention.

Each day:

  • 269 billion email messages are sent
  • 8 trillion text messages are sent
  • 500 million tweets are tweeted

 

Astoundingly, 90% of the data in the world today was created in the past 2 years. (IBM Marketing Cloud 2016) It’s not surprising that we get overwhelmed and overpowered by information. Defensively, we utter the phrase, “I’m so busy” like a salutation, “Good morning! I’m so busy!” So what can we do to stop drowning?

  1. Identify our essentials
  2. Consume only the information that contributes to our essentials

 

Without vigilantly deploying these filters, any information can seem intriguing, interesting, or important. To identify essentials… “Essential” gets defined by our aspirations, our goals, our commitments, our vision, and our battle cry. We need to ask, “What are my aspirations [goals, commitments, vision, battle cry] for my career, my family, my heath, my finances, and my life?”

To determine what information is important… Pause to evaluate: “Does this information [email, text, tweet, data, Yahoo story, LinkedIn announcement, Facebook update, YouTube cat video] I’m about to consume contribute to or contaminate one of my aspirations?” (“Contaminate” is any distraction, derailment, or sabotage.)

If the information does not help us move toward that which is important to us (our aspirations!), we need to: resist it, trash it, return it, or ignore it.

The only way to survive the deluge is by taking back our power over the information.

When we don’t use filters, we don’t have control. And then we helplessly grouse, “I’m so busy!”

We can do better than that…

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