All Posts by Ann Tardy

Know Your Audience (especially if you want new friends and great presentations!)

When I grudgingly moved from California to New Jersey a decade ago, I regaled everyone I met with stories about “amazing San Francisco!”

The result? It took me a long time to make friends.

Why? I violated a critical rule: know your audience.

Whether we are talking with new neighbors, teaching a workshop, exploring an idea with a team, or giving a presentation from the stage, we need to start with “know your audience” not “know your topic.”

1. Know who is in the audience (their background and experiences)
2. Understand their communication preferences (do they want stories, bullets, research, experiences, props?)
3. Relate to them (what do you have in common with them?)
4. Consider their reaction to the topic/message (will they be defensive or curious?)
5. Ascertain their priorities (what’s important to them?)
6. Determine why your topic is important to them (why are they willing to listen?)
7. Talk about what’s important to them (frame your topic/message accordingly)

Some practical ways to “know your audience:”

• Interview people before a meeting/presentation to learn their priorities, preferences, and perspectives (don’t just rely on titles and assumptions!)
• Ask questions to involve people and determine what they want to learn about you or the topic
• Be flexible and adapt based on what you discover
• Provide context and backstory (…if they want it)
• Explain jargons and acronyms (…if they need it)
• Observe their listening (notice eye contact, smartphone usage, facial expressions)
• Look around and see where you’re at – let the environment inform (ex: people who live in NJ don’t want to hear incessantly how great it is to live someplace else!)
• Be patient and curb your defensiveness if they disagree or appear disinterested

To build trust and respect, audiences (of all sizes) want to know that we get them and that what we’re saying actually matters to them.

Essentially, people just want to know that we care about their stage before our own.

Break the Script (Batman Costume Not Required)

When my stepson Jack was in kindergarten, he decided to be Superman for Halloween. And he wanted his dad to be Batman.

So his dad purchased a Batman costume.

As he was leaving the house to attend Jack’s Halloween parade at school, I asked:

”Where’s your costume?”
He held up a bag. “It’s in the bag.”
“When are you going to put it on?”
He replied, “When I get to the school.”
”Where?”
Silence.
”Put the costume on before you leave.”

He was aghast, “You want me to drive to the school wearing a Batman costume??”
“Yes. That’s what Batman would do.”

Begrudgingly he changed into the costume, drove to Jack’s school, ignored the gawking parents in the parking lot, and found Jack’s classroom.

From the other side of the room, Jack saw his dad and shrieked, ”My dad is Batman!!”

His dad broke the “typical parent” script.

In 1959 social psychologist Erving Goffman argued that we are like actors on a stage, creating and developing scripts that others use to understand us.

Scripts are the predictable way that people expect us to behave.

When we break the script, we defy people’s expectations of us or a situation.

Chip and Dan Heath, authors of The Power of Moments, named this “strategic surprise.”

By showing up in a Batman costume, Jack’s dad defied expectations with strategic surprise. As a result, he cemented a memorable experience with his son.

How can we break the script (without a Batman costume)?

• Be calm in a crisis
• Pitch in to help without being asked
• Email our boss praising someone else
• Bring a puzzle to a team meeting
• Send a homemade gift
• Buy coffee for a crossing guard or stranger in line

Where can you break the script to surprise, delight, and cement a memorable experience? 

Look for the Experience of Being Alive vs. the Meaning of Life

Author Joseph Campbell astutely observed “I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.”

As we celebrated my mom’s 75th birthday recently, it occurred to me that she has been on a lifelong quest for the experience of being alive:

• When I was growing up, my mom constantly adopted new hobbies: sewing, painting, crocheting, basket weaving, antique collecting
• When she wanted to earn more money, she became a real estate agent and then the managing broker
  (Her agents still reflect, “No matter how busy your mom was, she always made time for me.”)
• When my sister needed a kidney transplant, my mom donated hers without hesitation
• And she won’t walk by someone homeless without offering food or money
• After being widowed, she traveled to China alone
• Upon her return, she tried Match.com
• And then at 70 she walked down the aisle again (including a bachelorette party!)
• She once pulled an all-nighter with me for the best seats at the Macy’s Day Parade
• After the election, she attended the March on Washington
• Last year she biked Iowa with me
• Last month she started doing yoga
• Last week she tried OrangeTheory Fitness
• And for 40 years she has done it all in long red nails

I can synthesize her strategies to “experience being alive” as follows:

1. Keep perspective (“What’s the worst that can happen?”)
2. Say “yes!” first; figure out the how later
3. Always have a ticket to the next adventure
4. Make others feel important
5. Go out of your way to help people

While my mom doesn’t talk about the meaning of life, she never passes up an opportunity to experience something new or to make a difference for someone else.

Out of Chaos Comes Brilliance (and the Mass Ascension of Hot Air Balloons)

According to the I Ching… before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos.

And that describes the International Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque, NM, the largest celebration of hot air ballooning.

It was 5:00AM when we entered Balloon Fiesta Park with thousands of people from around the world. We immediately walked to the field to secure a spot on the sidelines, ready to witness the show.

Shortly thereafter, hundreds of balloon vehicles drove onto the field to set up in the dark.

And then a strange thing happened… the massive crowd started flooding the field, ignoring the sidelines and the lack of lights, paths, or markings.

We quickly ditched our seats to join them. As we walked through the field, crews were unpacking balloon baskets, unfolding balloon bags (called “envelopes”), checking wires, testing propane equipment, and inflating balloons (first on their side before they are lifted to a standing position).

It was mass chaos... 100,000 people, 500 horizontal hot air balloons inflating, flammable propane cylinders, and the darkness of dawn.

But out of that chaos came brilliance.

The crews worked around us without complaint. The crowd ebbed and flowed around the crews and the inflating balloons. And everyone cheered as each balloon ascended into the air.

Arguably we should have been confined to the sidelines for safety and security reasons. And even observing from afar would have been beautiful. But it would not have allowed for the amazing experience of standing amongst hot air balloons as they came to life and defied gravity.

Being on the field in the middle of the mass ascension seemingly without any order had me wondering if it was done by design…

…as if to remind us that in the moments of chaos in our lives, we must trust that brilliance will follow.

Do Less, Obsess More (just ask Mark Cuban)

Shin Lin, the magician who won America’s Got Talent this year, so perfected his craft that he made me believe in magic.

It was extreme dedication on display… an obsession with extraordinary results.

When UC Berkeley professor Morton Hansen extensively researched the behaviors of top performers, he discovered that they:

• have fewer goals, and
• obsess like crazy over them

In other words, less volume, more intensity.

How?

1. Get super clear about what’s important.
   Have a conversation with your boss, an exploration with a mentor, some reflection on what is essential to your job, your career goals, and your life.
2. Edit the unnecessary.
   What distractions, tasks, errands, projects, or clutter can be delegated, decreased, or eliminated? (ex: watching television, manually paying bills, constantly checking social media)
3. Intensify the efforts.
   Obsess over creating extraordinary results in spite of circumstances.

Professional athletes are obsessed with their sport.
Rock stars are obsessed with their music.
Activists are obsessed with their cause.

When I look at my most high-performing times and my most game-changing accomplishments, they’ve come on the heels of an obsession.

• When I’m obsessed about writing a book, I rearrange my life to write daily.
• When I’m obsessed about a cycling adventure, I pedal every morning… even when it’s cold and dark.

But when I’m unclear about what’s important, I’m not obsessed with creating extraordinary results. Instead, I’m scattered, rapt with excuses:I’m busy. I’m tired. I’m disorganized. The weather. The traffic. Computer issues…blah blah blah…

On Shark Tank, Mark Cuban refused to invest in an entrepreneur who appeared resigned to her circumstances. He said, “I can’t see writing a check for somebody who finds the excuse rather than finds the opportunity. I’m out.”

The question is… would Mark Cuban invest in you today?

I Carried a Buffalo Trophy through the Airport and Here’s What I Discovered

I had the privilege and pleasure of speaking in Buffalo, NY last week for the Project Management Institute (PMI).

At the end of my keynote, the conference organizers surprised me with a trophy.

And not just any trophy… a solid, wooden block engraved with my name, topped with a large, brass buffalo, standing 13 inches tall and weighing 3 pounds. It is not insignificant.

I gushed in delight. And then I wondered… how was I going to transport it in my small carry-on luggage?

Determined to take it home, I opted to carry the Buffalo Trophy through the airport, like an Emmy.

And as a result, I made a lot of friends:

• The TSA security agent and I laughed about bringing bigger luggage next time.
• The waitress and other patrons at the airport restaurant congratulated me, wanting to know more about my award.
• Passengers in the boarding area enjoyed the ongoing banter sparked by the buffalo.
• Two guys on the airtrain loved it so much they insisted on taking a selfie with me and the buffalo.

Here’s what I discovered from carrying the Buffalo Trophy:

1. Significant and Personal Recognition is Powerful
The trophy is an indisputable statement of PMI’s appreciation. And it was unnecessary… I received a nice fee for my keynote. But PMI went out of their way to ensure that I felt recognized, appreciated, and special all the way home.

2. People are Eager to Connect but Need a Reason
The Buffalo Trophy is noticeable and peculiar – an instant conversation piece, making it easy to connect and engage with complete strangers. I had so much fun carrying the Buffalo Trophy that I am might take it with me on my next trip.

And rest assured, when PMI-Buffalo calls me again, I’ll make time for them!

Do You Lead Without Fear or Favor?

When asked about her success as a 30-year journalist and international reporter, Christiane Amanpour reflected, “I report the news without fear or favor.”

She was echoing Adolph S. Ochs who, in 1896 upon assuming control of The New York Times, declared in the editorial page:

“It will be my earnest aim that The New York Times... give the news impartially, without fear or favor, regardless of party, sect, or interests involved…”

Without fear or favor…
What do we fear? Judgment, criticism, threats, blame
What do we favor? Our own opinions, perspectives, solutions, and advice

So what would it take to lead without fear or favor? Courage.

• Courage to make unconventional decisions and choices at the risk of reprimand or retribution
• Courage to seek and consider divergent viewpoints of any situation, person, or problem

Practically, this guiding principle calls upon us to:

• Question our own opinions and perspectives
• Welcome others’ ideas, advice, and solutions (even when we think we know the right answer)
• Listen curiously, interested in what we’re not seeing (our blindspots!)
• Suspend our judgment when someone presents their side of an issue
• Govern out of integrity, dignity, and fairness, not popularity or self-interest
• Pursue a vision (our battle cry!) in the face of objection, opposition, negativity, even vitriol

When Aetna CEO Mark Bertolini introduced yoga and meditation to the company notwithstanding his CFO’s disapproval; when he investigated a suggestion that his front-line employees were suffering from inadequate benefits; when he improved those benefits, undeterred by shareholder defection; when he negotiated with CVS to maintain those benefits upon acquisition of Aetna… he demonstrated “leading without fear or favor.”

Better bosses lead with the courage and commitment to be changed by, for, and with others.

Leaders Don’t Laugh Much… But We Should

According to University of Maryland Professor Robert Povine’s research on laughter, the higher up on a group’s hierarchy, the less we laugh.

In other words, leaders don’t laugh much.

But we should and here’s why…

Povine’s research reveals that laughter is not about humor. It’s about social bonding. We bond when we laugh together.

Studies show that when we bond, we strengthen the trust in our relationships.

And nothing happens in leadership without trust.

So why don’t bosses laugh more?

• Fear of perception (does being funny undermine my intelligence?)
• Too focused on the bottom line
• Other leaders aren’t laughing (is it acceptable?)
• Sense of humor has atrophied (laughter is associated with play and adults don’t play as much)
• Technology strangles laughter (more time on email and collaboration tools, means less time with people)

So how can we intentionally incorporate laughter into our leadership?

• Look for humorous situations and ironic moments
• Tell a go-to joke and ask others for their go-to jokes
• Share funny stories and invite others to do the same
• Self-deprecate (this underscore our humanity)
• Point out the insanity or inanity of situations
• Introduce improv games and team-building activities

Fortunately laughter is contagious... we actually smile and laugh at the sound of laughter (which explains the success of the Tickle Me Elmo doll!)

(As you exercise your funny bone, one enormous caution about inappropriate laughter. If you laugh at others (who are not laughing at themselves), mock certain groups, or giggle from nerves, you will contaminate trust.)

Laughter is an expression of joy. And when we intentionally make joy a part of our job as leaders, people look forward to working with us… no matter how grueling or stressful work may be.