All Posts by Ann Tardy

[Flash] Action is the Antidote to Despair (thank you Joan Baez!)

“The best way to complain is to make things.” – James Murphy, musician and record producer.

Marketing guru Seth Godin evolved this to: “The best way to complain is to make things better.”

When a recent Harvard study revealed that our external circumstances predict only about 10% of our happiness, “making things better” suddenly becomes a go-to solution for predicting the other 90% of our happiness.

Most entrepreneurs, non-profits, and even politicians are born out of a desire to make things better. While we don’t always agree with their approach, their intentions are admirable.

When I lived in San Francisco and accepted a job in Silicon Valley, I immediately began complaining about the traffic and having no time to workout. A simple 45-minute commute from the city quickly deteriorated into a 90-minute excruciating slog during rush hour.

I decided to make my mornings better. I became certified as a spin instructor and taught indoor cycling at the YMCA near my office at 6am. This schedule required me to leave my house before the traffic, rewarding me with an easy commute and a workout. After class, I showered and headed to the office stress free and stronger!

Today when I find myself or my team complaining about a process or a result, I measure my efficacy as a leader by how quickly I can move our conversations from complaint into action.

• What can we learn from this?
• What can we do differently, more efficiently or effectively?
• How can we make this situation, process, or result better?

It’s easy to complain, for despair attracts an abundance of company. Butcomplaining without action is complacent. Only through action do we energize and embolden ourselves and others.

As singer, songwriter, activist Joan Baez says, “Action is the antidote to despair.

[Flash] Movie Director Olivia Wilde Used Organic Mentoring Not Film School

Actor-turned-director Olivia Wilde has been promoting her directorial debut film, Booksmart. In one recent interview she reflected:

“I was battling with my insecurity over whether I had earned the right to call myself a Director. How could I possibly direct a movie without going to film school?”

But then she realized that her 17-year career spent on sets has been her film school:

“I spent a significant amount of time shadowing people and asking them questions like Martin Scorsese, Ron Howard, John Favreau, Spike Jonze – people I love and admire. I got the opportunity to watch some of the most incredible directors at work and see them struggle with challenges.

”There really is no better opportunity to learn than watching directors deal with anxiety, stress, chaos, and the unpredictable nature of putting a film together. I absorbed their skills just by watching them move through that.”

Brilliant!

Instead of waiting for a degree or special training, Olivia Wilde sought the knowledge and wisdom of other directors as she developed her own directing skills and style. She asked questions. She shadowed. She intentionally observed. That’s Organic Mentoring!

How can you use Organic Mentoring to grow, develop, and thrive?

• Look for people whose work you love and admire
• Ask them questions
• Request to shadow them
• Observe them dealing with anxiety, stress, chaos, and the unpredictable nature of projects, policies, and people
• And stop waiting for permission to chase a challenge!

If your organization offers any type of Organized Mentoring Program, leverage it to do what Wilde did without one – connect, inquire, shadow, observe, and absorb.

In one of her interviews, Wilde described a particular directing technique that she admittedly “stole” from Martin Scorsese.

But it wasn’t stealing. Scorsese inspired and influenced Wilde’s success – that’s quintessential mentoring!

[Flash]Leaders Who Love, Not Lovers Who Lead

Since rescuing my second dog, I’ve been watching Cesar Millan’s show Dog Whisperer to learn how to manage an additional 65 pounds of fur in my house.

On a recent episode, Cesar was scolding his client, “Dogs need leaders who love, not lovers who lead.” 

So do people! Whether we are the boss, a parent, or both, our people are also best served when we are leaders who love, not lovers who lead.

While they desire a trusting relationship sprinkled with fun and frivolity, our people also crave our leadership, to direct the way while also challenging them to become bigger, better, bolder versions of themselves.

Which one are you?

A Leader who Loves…

1. Communicates a vision for the future that emboldens others
2. Respects and is respected
3. Makes decisions after involving appropriate parties
4. Holds people accountable to their commitments
5. Offers opportunities to challenge and develop others
6. Listens to understand
7. Empowers and expects people to solve their own problems
8. Communicates with radical candor
9. Takes action unapologetically
10. Mentors their people

A Lover who Leads…

1. Lacks clear direction, challenged to identify (or drive) the important in the chaos of the urgent
2. Wants to be liked
3. Struggles to make decisions that impact others
4. Avoids difficult conversations and confrontations
5. Fears delegating, because it might be seen as dumping
6. Listens to fix problems
7. Rescues people
8. Avoids giving feedback to avert the potential of hurt feelings
9. Apologizes while taking action or disagreeing
10. Befriends people (doesn’t feel confident mentoring them)

Steve Jobs once said, “If you want to make people happy, don’t be a leader. Sell ice cream.” (And if he had been talking about my dogs, he would have said, “Give lots of treats.”) 

[Flash] How an English Teacher Used the DMV to Change Her Students World

After college, Sue Barlett taught 12th grade English at Central Hower High School in Akron, Ohio for nine years in the 1960s.

When she arrived, Sue was horrified to discover that her students (seniors!) did not know how to read.

And then she learned the reality of their illiteracy: because her students could not read, they could not pass a driver’s license test. And without a driver’s license, they were unable to find decent jobs.

Her students were about to graduate; they were illiterate; and they were destined for poverty.

Sue immediately pitched an idea to the school’s principal. He agreed – he knew the system had failed these students. How could he not support someone who was willing to try something new?

Here’s what she did… Sue went to the local DMV and obtained a copy of the driver’s license exam. She then used the exam as their textbook for the year. She taught her students how to read using the driver’s license exam. At the end of the year, they could read, drive, and forge their future.

When others falter or retreat in the face of hopeless situations thinking, “What could I possibly do?” “Not my problem,” or “This is just how things are,” Sue asked “What difference can I make?” And that conviction made all the difference for her students.

David Brooks, columnist and author of the recently released book, The Second Mountain, wrote, “At some point in life people realize that while our educational system generally prepares us for climbing this or that mountain, your life is actually defined by how you make use of your moment of greatest adversity.”

In our own moments of great adversity, we must remember that the invitation is not to change the world – it’s simply to change someone else’s world.

[Flash] Commencement Speeches – for Graduates or the Rest of Us?

I remember my college graduation, but I don’t remember who spoke or the advice they offered – my head was spinning with nervous energy that day.

Perhaps the wisdom shared by the rich and famous at podiums across the country each graduation season is actually meant to rouse and rejuvenate the rest of us who have been adult-ing for a while.

Some highlights from this season of bedazzled commencement speeches:

1. Life is Good CEO Bert Jacobs at Villanova: “Follow 3 rules to be happy on the road of life:

• Turn on the lights (give off positive energy)
• Trust your navigation system (know who you are and act like it)
• Enjoy the ride“

2. Billionaire Robert F. Smith at Morehouse (right before he pledged to pay off all college debt of graduating seniors to the tune of $40 million): “You are bound only by the limits of your own conviction and creativity.”

3. Actress Jennifer Garner at Denison University: “There is no finish line to cross. There is no moment when you’re supposed to be happy. Fight for what makes you optimistic about the world. Find it, insist on it, dig into it, go after it. Happiness is your own responsibility.”

4. Apple CEO Tim Cook at Tulane University: “There are some who would like to believe that the only way you can be strong is by bulldozing those who disagree with you… Push back! It shouldn’t be this way.”

5. Actress Kristen Bell at University of Southern California: “Listen as fiercely as you want to be heard.”

6. Philadelphia Eagles head coach Jeffrey Lurie at Clark University: “Remember the importance of unconditional love, resilience, empathy, gratitude, and a radical kind of open-mindedness.”

We are never too old or too tenured to be rekindled and inspired by the advice, perspectives and ideas of others!

[Flash] The Secret to Happiness… ask And Now What?

I really thought cycling across the country would make me happy.

But when I touched my front wheel into the Atlantic Ocean after 67 days of pedaling, I wasn’t happy. I was sad. I had spent 20 years talking about it and a whole year planning and training for it. Suddenly, the adventure was over.

I thought I was going to find happiness at the finish line. I didn’t expect to experience sheer joy from cycling every day.

So my post-ride slump was inevitable. To bounce out of it, I planned the next adventure – a bike ride from Key West to Maine the following year.

In a recent interview, actress Viola Davis was asked about her Oscar, her Tonys, and her Emmys. She shared her approach: “The three most important words to me are: and now what? What’s the next thing? What’s the next chapter? What’s the next page?” Viola intentionally looks at what she’s creating next, because the thrill of the award is not what fuels her.

A 2007 study revealed that we are happier in pursuit of goals than we are after we accomplish them. For example, we are happier getting a new job, starting a new class, and buying a new house than we are when we have the job, pass the exam, or inhabit the house, respectively.

Essentially, we are most happy when we are in the process of improving ourselves and our situations in some way.

Bottom line: positive dynamic events are better than static situations.

So get in action!

• Learn something new
• Change, improve something
• Launch a new program at work
• Experiment with a new tool for your team
• Start volunteering
• Plan an adventure
• Tackle an intrepid goal

Happiness is not a finish line to cross; it’s an ever-evolving journey that we get to create.

[Flash] Acknowledge the Expectation Gap (like Alfredo’s Autistic Son)

At the root of every upset is a missed expectation.

That gap in our expectations often results from assumptions about a situation, a miscommunication, or a misunderstanding.

Essentially we can trace every disappointment, frustration, or altercation to an Expectation Gap.

• We expect the price to be $100, but there’s a hidden $10 fee.
• We expect the room to be quiet, but someone starts talking loudly on their cellphone.
• We expect people to wait in line, but someone cuts to the front.
• We expect the meeting to end at 3:00, but it drags on until 4:00.
• We expect a peer to help, but they don’t.

We can bridge these Expectation Gaps using a myriad of strategies:

1. plan for delays
2. document verbal agreements
3. clarify expectations
4. ask questions for context
5. confirm deadlines, time zones, acronyms
6. lower expectations

And then I stumbled upon a powerful way to bridge the Expectation Gap when I met Alfredo recently…

Alfredo’s teenaged son is autistic and an avid skateboarder. When he goes to the skate park, he watches in awe as other skaters perform tricks. Eager to learn, he immediately approaches the skaters to ask for advice, often getting too close and in their face.

This creates an Expectation Gap – the skateboarders are not expecting the overzealous new kid to invade their personal space. Armed only with assumptions, their automatic reaction is to recoil.

But before they do, Alfredo’s son immediately explains, “I have autism so if I’m acting inappropriately, please let me know and I’ll back off.”

A powerful strategy: to deal with a potential or inevitable missed expectation, acknowledge it!

By pointing out the gap, we not only reset other people’s expectations, we bring vulnerability and transparency to the situation.

ps. Since Alfredo and his wife empowered their son with this strategy, the skaters have taken him under their wing, teaching him many new skating tricks and protecting him at the park.

[Flash] Use Error Training (How Shaq and I Were Raised)

Shaquille O’Neal and I were each raised by a father who unapologetically employed Error Training.

As Shaq described it in a recent interview, “Every time an athlete got into trouble, I would be punished. When Len Bias passed away from a cocaine overdose, my father said, ‘If you ever do coke, I’ll kill you.’ We learned from everyone’s mistakes.”

Similarly, whenever anyone in my high school got into trouble with drugs, drinking, or teenage pregnancy, I got a lecture about it over dinner. Their errors were our lessons.

What is Error Training?

It’s the scrutiny and exploration of errors in order to prevent their recurrence.

Sharing “war stories” about what went wrong or could have gone wrong promotes a culture of reflection and learning. It forces us to think critically about situations and projects in order to identify insights and learnings.

Many professionals (ex: doctors, pilots, fire fighters, military) use Error Training to examine errors like a case study and to question their routine application of skills. This allows them to conceptualize the best approach for managing similar situations in the future – a fast-track to adaptable experience.

While we tend to train people using best practices and success stories, researchers believe that learning from failure is far more effective than learning from success, because errors are more arresting and memorable.

How can we employ Error Training?

• Reframe errors in a positive way – as opportunities to learn
• Inquire about the mistakes people made before they hit success
• Find failure stories and study them
• Encourage team discussions of errors made or near misses to avoid in the future
• Engage mentors – leverage their mistakes

“Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.” – Otto von Bismarck (former Chancellor of Germany)