Ann Tardy, Author at Ann Tardy | Speaker, Author, Trainer

[Flash] Feel Like a Stranger Among Strangers? Create Casual Friends

To escape the cold this winter, I moved my family to Charleston for a few months.

I didn’t realize how much I would miss having Casual Friends…

According to sociologist Mark Granovetter, we need low-stakes relationships or “Casual Friends” – our favorite barista, other dog owners, neighbors, people we see regularly at the gym or church.

A 2014 study concluded that we feel happier with more Casual Friends

they contribute to our sense of belonging to a community
they increase our satisfaction at work and in life

So how can we create more Casual Friends? With intentional banter!

Here’s the formula I’ve been experimenting with:

1. Ask a Question. People love giving answers – it makes them feel good about themselves. And it creates an instant connection.

2. Commiserate on a safe topic: weather, traffic, crowds, lines, noise. People bond over shared experiences.

3. Compliment something – it communicates respect and interest. People like people who like them.

Here’s how this worked recently in my fitness class:

I asked the woman next to me a question about the instructor’s cue
I then commiserated with her about the difficult workout
And then I complimented her on how easy she makes it look

Next time I saw her in class, I smiled and waved at my new Casual Friend.

Will we be best friends? No. I have enough of those. I just want to feel more connected to people around me and enjoy the moments.

While I am tempted to simply hide in my cell phone pretending to be busy, that won’t cure my stranger-among-strangers feeling.

So I’m practicing the Intentional Banter formula:

Question
Commiserate
Compliment
Smile
Wave
Repeat

And I’ve noticed that with more Casual Friends, I feel less like an impostor. Instead, I feel like I belong… and serendipitously, it helps others feel the same!

[Flash] Guessing Doesn’t Produce Greatness (just ask the Shark Tank)

On the reality show Shark Tank, entrepreneurs seeking an investment make business presentations about their company to a panel of investors (aka “Sharks”).

During each presentation, the Sharks question entrepreneurs about their business model, financials, and strategic plans for growth.

And when an entrepreneur estimates or speculates in response, the Sharks explode in exasperation! They are incensed, even insulted, that an entrepreneur would ask for money based on mere guesses about the health of their business.

Shark Robert Herjavec frequently scolds, “You gotta know your numbers!”

Sharks recognize that guessing doesn’t produce greatness.

Where are we guessing at the expense of our own greatness?

We don’t know our own numbers.
We don’t know our people’s strengths, weaknesses, and career goals.
We don’t know our boss’ priorities and needs.
We don’t know our customers’ needs, wants, obstacles, or upsets.
And then we assume others know our strengths, weaknesses, goals, needs, wants, obstacles, and upsets.

Why don’t we know? Why do we make assumptions about what others know?

We’re so busy! Right? We’re putting out fires. We’re consumed with emails, meetings, and calls. How quickly the urgent trumps the important.

But perhaps all that busyness is merely a diversion. Perhaps we:

are afraid to know the reality of a situation
dread making changes to improve the results we produce
don’t want to be responsible for success or failure

So how do we stop guessing?

for fitness, we have heart rate monitors and scales
for financials, we have spreadsheets
for vehicles, we have dashboards
for people, we have assessments and surveys

But to really own a situation and the results we want, we need to ask better questions and engage in intentional, sometimes unnerving or uncomfortable, conversations.

When we’re committed to greatness, we must stop guessing and start gauging.

[Flash] Is Gumption Taught, Wrought, or Caught?

In high school, I discovered my passion in a Business Law class. I was captivated and instantly wanted to go to law school.

To strengthen this interest, my dad suggested that I open the phone book and write a letter to every law firm in town asking for a summer job.

So I did.

Unsurprisingly, I received a lot of rejection letters – what law firm wants to hire a 16-year-old high school student with no education or experience?

Boylan & Neptune did. They created an office assistant position for me for two summers before I left for college, and I loved it!

Cambridge Dictionary defines “gumption” as:

the ability to decide what is the best thing to do in a particular situation, and to do it with energy and determination

My parents believed that formula could be taught, wrought, and caught.

They fostered a culture of achievement in our house – they encouraged us to get ahead by standing out. They applauded guts, ambition, and action. They expected gumption! No wonder I didn’t even question mailing letters to law firms as a teenager…

Equally important, I grew up watching their courage and initiative:

Without a college degree, my dad advanced from salesman to VP to owner of the company.
Without a college degree, my mom shifted her secretarial path to real estate (earning Illinois Realtor of the Year!) and then became a managing broker.

And it worked. When I graduated from law school, I landed an interview at a firm. Instinctively, I called the other firms on my list to let them know. I suggested that they might want to interview me too. So they did. And my parents beamed with pride…

As bosses and mentors, what are you doing to inspire and embolden your people to rise to new challenges?

[Flash] A-Rod… My New Favorite Mentor

In the new reality show Back in the Game, baseball-star-turned-entrepreneur Alex Rodriguez mentors athletes and entertainers who are struggling financially, like Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte.

In my favorite episode, Alex chooses Brian Dunkleman, comedian, actor, and the first host of American Idol.

In Brian’s words, he foolishly quit Idol after one season because he was unable to demonstrate his true acting talents on the show. The producers were irate, and he was never hired in Hollywood again – even his manager stopped calling. They called Ryan Seacrest instead.

Seventeen years later, Brian is broke, divorced, and driving for Uber to survive. He lost everything, including his confidence.

When Alex showed up to mentor Brian out of this rut, he:

explored Brian’s finances, talents, skills, and passions
uncovered Brian’s interest in real estate
arranged for Brian to shadow a real estate magnate
introduced Brian to his CFO to help negotiate his debt

But Brian rejected every idea Alex suggested by unloading a plethora of excuses.

Alex was unfazed – he didn’t take it personally, but he also didn’t tolerate the excuses. Instead, he shared his perspective of Brian’s situation and his expectations.

Some highlights:

”You’re letting your life be defined by your mistakes.”
”How do you win if you’re not constantly preparing to win?”
“You need to wake up every day with your hair on fire, willing to grind!”
“You have to leverage your PHD – poverty, hunger, and drive. You are poor, but you’re not hungry and driven.”

And then Alex delivered an ultimatum: “Brian, if you’re not in it, I’m not in it.”

After a few days of sulking, Brian finally admitted that his excuses made it easier to hide when life got hard.

As the show concluded, Brian was studying for the real estate exam, paying off his debt, and feeling confident again.

Alex did not have all the answers, nor did he solve Brian’s problems for him. But like a great Mentor, Alex offered advice, perspectives, ideas, encouragement, connections, resources, and some tough love.

Sometimes Mentees get stuck in the valley of despair. But if they could see beyond their own excuses, they wouldn’t need a Mentor!

[Flash] Burn the Ships! How Committed Are You?

My friends Connie and Mike are getting married in June (and I’m officiating the wedding!)

It’s a second marriage for both of them, and at our holiday gathering they declared, “We are burning the ships!”

”Burn the ships” is based on the legend of Hernán Cortés, an ambitious Spanish conquistador who arrived in Veracruz in 1519 determined to bring down the mighty Aztecs. He ordered his men to burn all of his ships, signaling his commitment to succeed or die trying – there would be no turning back! Two years later they successfully conquered the Aztec Empire.

It is the pinnacle of commitment when we “burn the ships!”

Like Cortes, my friends have signaled that quitting is not an option. They are determined to create a successful marriage or die trying.

We “burn the ships” when we elevate our commitment by removing any reliance on excuses or exit strategies.

It doesn’t mean we can’t change or improve a course of action, but when we are truly committed, giving up is not an option.

If you’re having a hard time committing to something, perhaps you still have “ships in the harbor” – an excuse, a rationalization, a justification.

But what makes it so hard to “burn the ships”?
• Fear of failure, judgment, criticism
• Perceived obligation or expectation
• Comfort
• Addiction

Naturally we cling to safety nets until we are no longer afraid. But this then leaves us half-committed, even paralyzed from taking action.

The question is… can we really be fully committed to success if there is always an out?

What ships are sitting in your harbor? What excuses do you need to let go of so you can move forward powerfully this year? Can you create a “burn the ships!” declaration like Connie and Mike?

Now I need to work this into their ceremony…

[Flash] Evolve Resolutions into Solutions… What’s the Worst That Can Happen?

In my house growing up, my mom would invariably counter any hesitation with “What’s the worst that can happen?” She even employed this when I hesitated asking the cutest boy in class to the 8th grade Sadie Hawkins dance. (I did. He didn’t. But her nudge got me out of my head and into action!)

Her approach has since been backed by science…

In the 1980s, researchers discovered that our challenge with long-term goals is not willpower or motivation. Instead we are derailed by short-term, in-the-moment urges and deterrents!

Staying in that cozy bed instead of getting up early to work out
Eating a colleague’s homemade cookies instead of sticking to a diet
Not flossing due to exhaustion after a late night at the office

Instantly a long-term goal of being healthy evaporates, and temptation wins! What starts with great intentions, falters in the face of one cookie or one warm, cozy bed.

NYC researcher Peter Gollwitzer tested a technique that could help evolve those greatly-intended resolutions into greatly-executed solutions: implementation intentions. Better known as an “if-then plan.”

Here’s how this self-regulatory strategy works: write down a goal, anticipate the obstacles (urges and deterrents), and create a concrete game plan to overcome them. Gollwitzer and his team devised the following template:

“When situation X arises, I will perform response Y.”

In other words, launch with a plan for the worst that could happen!

Example:

Goal: exercise before work
Obstacle/Temptation: sleeping in
Strategy: arrange to meet a friend at the gym

Example:

Goal: save more money
Obstacle/Temptation: a ridiculous sale at a favorite shop
Strategy: wait 24-hours before purchasing anything

Interestingly, Gollwitzer and his team discovered that the more difficult the goal, the better this strategy works.

So don’t just create Doomed New Year’s Resolutions. Create Intentional New Year’s Solutions!

[Flash] The Best of Flash 2019 (fan favorite articles from the year!)

The end of the year provides a valuable pause to reflect upon and celebrate what we’ve each initiated, discovered, and achieved over the past 12 months.

As I reflect upon the Flash! articles I wrote for you in 2019, I’m highlighting the ones that generated the most conversation this year:

Repeat the Good Stuff (and Help People Combat Sabotaging Self-Talk)
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-repeat-good-stuff-help-people-combat-sabotaging-ann

In Turbulence, Watch the Flight Attendant
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-turbulence-watch-flight-attendant-ann-tardy-cpa-jd-csp

Rerouting… What the GPS Can Teach Us About Leading Better
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-rerouting-what-gps-can-teach-us-leading-better-ann

Two Super-Simple, Trust-Building Behaviors for Bosses Everywhere
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-two-super-simple-trust-building-behaviors-tardy-csp-jd-cpa

There are No Evil Mentors
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-evil-mentors-ann-tardy-cpa-jc-csp

5 OrangeTheory Strategies to Revitalize Meetings and Boost Programs
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-5-orangetheory-strategies-revitalize-meetings-ann

Does Change Happen To Us or For Us?
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-does-change-happen-us-ann-tardy-cpa-jc-csp

Positivity is a Game Changer at Work and in Life
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flash-positivity-game-changer-work-life-ann-tardy-cpa-jc-csp

Thank you for reading, responding, and engaging with me throughout the year!

I look forward to continuing the journey together to become bigger, better, bolder versions of ourselves.

Merry Holidays and Happy Everything!

[Flash] Love Humankind but Irritated by People?

In her book Braving the Wilderness, Brene’ Brown writes: ”We love the idea of humankind but people in general get on our nerves.”

This stark reality routinely challenges our commitment to lead: we love the idea of helping people and making a difference, but personalities, problems, and politics irritate us.

Brown suggests that we can best deal with people-on-our-nerves by engaging in moments of joy and pain. So don’t skip the funerals, weddings, and celebrations – they matter.

But to truly engage in moments of joy and pain, individual experiences must become shared experiences.

For example, flying is typically an individual experience. We jockey for our place in line to board; we stow our own luggage; we take our seat; we put in earphones; we do work or watch a movie. It’s an individual experience (and everyone around us seems unavoidably annoying).

Recently, I was on a flight when that individual experience became a shared experience. After a man had collapsed from a heart attack, flight attendants found a doctor on board. When the doctor performed CPR and saved the man’s life, the plane erupted in applause! A shared experience!

But what do we do without a funeral to mourn, a wedding to celebrate, or a resuscitated man to cheer? In other words, on a daily basis, how do we move people off our nerves and onto our side so we can enjoy the humans in humankind?

By intentionally creating shared experiences:

Request mentoring conversations
Join a book club or Toastmasters
Volunteer to help someone problem-solve
Engage in team building activities
Identify commonalities
Point out the humor in situations
Ask people about their stories
Seek ways to partner with people

For less irritation and more joy, look for opportunities to evolve individual experiences into shared experiences.

« Previous 1 … 12 13 14 15 16 … 37 Next »