[Flash] Contact Curbs Conflict, Not Enthusiasm - Ann Tardy | Speaker, Author, Trainer

[Flash] Contact Curbs Conflict, Not Enthusiasm

When I spoke with Daniel recently about his experience in our leadership mentoring program, he shared, “It’s only been three months, but there is a noticeable decrease in conflict among the leaders at the company. The trust we’ve built in the program is translating to our daily meetings. The tension we once had is gone – we’re actually partnering now. It’s very cool.”

The Contact Theory in action.

In 1954, social psychologist Gordon Allport published his interpersonal Contact Theory arguing that contact is one of the most effective ways to reduce prejudice and conflict in groups.

According to Allport, contact allows people to decrease or eliminate the assumptions, stereotypes, and anxiety that naturally occur among diverse groups of people.

He originated his theory around desegregation after WWII. Subsequently, social scientists and psychologists have applied Contact Theory to improve relations among groups diverse by age, gender, race, functions, and even personalities.

According to Contact Theory, four conditions are required to make the contact a valuable interaction where people learn about each other:

  1. Shared goals
  2. Common interests
  3. Safety
  4. Institutional support

This experience reduces preconceptions and increases empathy, thereby mitigating conflict.

Ironically, however, our natural inclination when in conflict with anyone is to avoid contact with that person, not seek it.

So how can we foster contact – even when there is an undercurrent of conflict or judgment? How can we promote the conversations essential to decreasing impatience, insularity, and intolerance?

Mentoring. Mentoring is fueled by shared goals, kindled through common interests; it demands emotional safety and thrives with institutional support.

To prioritize contact in any mentoring situation:

  • Engage video, not just the phone
  • Turn on the camera (even if you’re not “camera-ready!”)
  • Start with small talk, evolve to large talk
  • Lean in with your curiosity
  • Leave out your preconceptions
  • Aim for understanding

In our increasingly disconnected and contactless world, we should not be surprised that conflict is on the rise. It’s inevitable. But when we’re starved for connection, compassion, and collaboration, we must intentionally create contact.

© 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com