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I made a reservation at a restaurant recently to dine outside on a glorious night. When we arrived, the host said, “I don’t currently have any seats available outside. Do you want to sit inside or wait for a table?”
Impatiently, I said, “We’ll wait… but what about that one?” and I pointed to an empty table outside. “That one is not available,” he responded. I was getting visibly frustrated. And then, unruffled, he said something that completely diffused me. With respect, generosity, and kindness, he looked directly at me and said, “Thanks for understanding.” And then he walked away. He didn’t apologize or scramble to appease me. And he didn’t seem to care if I liked him. Instead, he just matter-of-factly said, “Thanks for understanding.” This simple remark immediately interrupted my impatient, judge-y, downward spiral of emotional unintelligence. I faced a choice:
By recognizing my ability to understand the lack-of-available-table circumstances, he (brilliantly!) appreciated and valued a quality that I believe about myself. This is called “Positive Mirroring.” His recognition reinforced the positive view I have of myself. Instantly, I wanted to demonstrate to him that I am patient and understanding! What a powerful tool! As leaders and mentors, we can engage this strategy to help others feel valued, appreciated, and seen while also nudging them to be bigger, better, bolder versions of themselves! Thanks for improving. Thanks for leading. Thanks for preparing. Thanks for being organized. Thanks for thinking it through. Thanks for following up. Thanks for being a champion. See people as they want to be seen, and they will show up as the person they genuinely want to be. © 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com |