| A manager called me this week, and the conversation unfolded as follows:
Manager: Sometimes, I need to be brutally honest with my team. Me: What’s brutal about it? Manager: For example, I’ll tell one of my guys the things that are tough for him to hear. It’s my job to help him see what others see. Me: Interesting. That sounds like stabbing him in the eye with a stick to help his vision. Have you tried mentoring instead? Manager: I’m not his mentor! I’m his boss. Me: Ok… I’ll be brutally honest. You are a lousy leader. And your people don’t trust you. Manager: Ouch. Me: What? That didn’t help you improve your leadership? Manager: Not at all. Me: Exactly. Look, the problem with brutal honesty is that the “brutal” overshadows the “honesty.” It inevitably puts the receiver on the defensive. Sadly, they miss the information and insights you’re offering and instead accuse you of being rude, direct, or unkind. Manager: Folks have complained that I can be blunt… But doesn’t my guy need to know what’s wrong with him? Me: What makes you think he doesn’t already know? You’ve worked with him for six months. He’s worked with himself for 46 years. I’m sure he’s cognizant of his shortcomings. He doesn’t need confirmation of those from you. He needs some new ideas, a fresh approach, some advice, guidance, and encouragement. Manager: So, how do I start mentoring someone I’ve never bothered to mentor previously? Me: Mentor in moments. Practice sprinkling any of these phrases into your conversations:
When you’re overwhelmed managing tasks, it’s easy to see people as another task to manage. But instead, you can intentionally kindle people’s potential by making a contribution instead of making a condemnation. Forget brutal honesty. Try merciful mentoring. © 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com |