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We talk to ourselves… a lot. Research estimates that we generate between 12,000-70,000 thoughts a day! And of those, 80% are negative while 95% are repetitive from yesterday.
That means we spend only 5% of our day not in emotional despair or ruminating. How can we possibly put our ambition on a mission if we allow the conversations between our ears to derail us? We must shift our thoughts from self-talk to mentor-talk. Here’s how… When faced with a problem, our inner monologue typically includes the word “I.” For example, “I don’t know what to say.” “How am I going to reinvent my career?” “How will I ever fix this mess?” Based on research, Dr. Noam Shpancer, a professor at Otterbein University, advocates for “distanced self-talk” to separate from our negative emotional reactions – all that distressing and brooding. With this technique, we replace “I” with “you.” For example, “Ann, what are you going to say?” “Ann, how are you going to reinvent your career?” “Ann, how will you fix this mess?” It’s a simple but powerful shift with profound implications. When our self-talk leads with “I,” we reinforce the notion that we are alone battling insurmountable problems. Understandably, we’re going to feel heightened sadness, anger, or misery! But when our mentor-talk leads with “you,” we step back from the intensity of our emotions, allowing our analytical mind the space to identify a solution. And by detaching, we abate our anger, alleviate our aggressive behavior, restore our calm, resurrect our big-picture perspective, and refresh our empathy. All of which clears the way to cooperate with others in stressful situations. By shifting from self-talk to mentor-talk, we can create actionable solutions, like a Mentor would embolden us to do. For when we mentor ourselves, we discover that we cannot be stuck and in action simultaneously. © 2021. Ann Tardy and Mentor Lead. www.mentorlead.com | www.anntardy.com |