| On a promotional tour for his new movie this year, Samuel L. Jackson discussed his extensive and prolific acting career as well as his 48-year marriage.
When asked about the secret to his wedded bliss, Jackson answered, “Amnesia.”
Jackson says that sometimes it’s better to let things go, forget they ever happened. He feels this approach allows him to form stronger relationships with everyone.
And when Jennifer Lopez wanted some advice before her wedding, she reached out to Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG) who had been married for 50 years before her husband died.
RBG shared the sage advice her mother-in-law gave her on her wedding day: “It helps sometimes to be a little deaf.”
RBG added, “A deaf ear also works in every workplace, including the good job I have now.”
So what should we forget or pretend not to hear? The perceived slights, injustices, annoyances, frustrations, and disappointments. Making the petty profound threatens every relationship we have.
And if we don’t let them go? They evolve into what relationship expert John Gottman calls “The Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling” – indicators of an impending end to our relationship.
But we don’t even have to “get over it.” We just have to get past it.
How? By asking a few simple questions:
- Does it matter?
- Does it really matter?
- Why?
- What if it didn’t matter?
The act of forgetting is adaptive, says neurobiologist James McGaugh. It’s essential to help us focus on understanding the world, not obsessing over every infraction.
If we want better relationships at work and at home, we would benefit from a little amnesia, a deaf ear, thicker skin, and a reality check.
Always take the high road. It’s far less crowded. Warren Buffett |
