I have trained Lulu to expect a gift every time I visit. And she never forgets, regardless of how many months pass between my visits. My niece is a precocious 5-year-old.
When I visited in January, two weeks after my Christmas gifts arrived, I negligently handed her a gift to share with her brother. And not a good one. It was a deck of cards with puzzles, challenges, and word games to prepare them for 1st grade.
She did not find this amusing one bit.
She said incredulously, “That’s all you brought?”
I nodded sheepishly, knowing immediately I had failed.
She said, “I don’t like that gift. What else you got?”
I said, “That’s all I have, sweetie.”
She said, articulating every word, “No really, I don’t like that gift.”
I was speechless.
She wasn’t. “I want a Barbie. Do you have a Barbie in your suitcase?”
I said, “Nope. No Barbie. Sorry.”
She ended the conversation emphatically, “No. Really. I hate that gift.”
It took all I had not to laugh out loud. My feelings weren’t hurt. I knew I had blown it. But I wasn’t going to next time. Lulu told me exactly what I needed to do to secure my role as “Best Aunt on the Planet.”
Now when I visit Lulu, I make sure to bring a back-up gift. Rather than consider her to be rude, I find her incredibly refreshing. (Perhaps I’m a bit biased.)
Why can’t we be so transparent at work?
Wouldn’t it be refreshing to know where you stand with your boss, your employees, and your peers?
Boss: “Here’s your project.”
Employee: “Is that all you’ve got?”
Boss: “Yep.”
Employee: “I don’t like it. What else do you have?”
Boss: “That’s it.”
Employee: “No really, I hate that project.“
Employee: “Here’s the report you asked me to complete.”
Manager: “Is that all you’ve got?”
Employee: “Yes”
Manager: “I don’t like it. What else do you have?”
Employee: “That’s it.”
Manager: “No really, I hate that report.”
While it was entertaining when my niece said it, it is rather rude in my work example. But wouldn’t such transparency eliminate the endless games in which we constantly engage where we’re left wondering what the other person thinks?
In situations where we aren’t guaranteed unconditional 5-year-old niece love, consider an alternative to help you lift the communications fog while maintaining the relationship: permission.
Simply ask permission.
“Would you be open to some feedback?”
“Do you want my perspective?”
“Would it help to hear what my experience of the situation is?”
There’s obviously a lot more that goes into the art of giving feedback, making observations, and providing constructive criticism. But it would be an enormous step if we started offering feedback instead of avoiding it, and if we started preparing others before jolting them with a dose of Lulu-like honesty.
It’s not a concept Lulu will get right now. While she is endearing, she’s clearly not ready for corporate America. But that’s OK, because corporate America is not ready for Lulu.